BPDFamily.com

I have spent a year asking exuBPDh to meet me and talk to me about how to manage the children to make sure theat they are the leastnpossible affected by the separation, I have asked him to come with me to see a mediator. I have written untold emails. All met by silence or occasionally mockery. i had left him. i abandoned him "like a dog" so he has nothing to say to me.

OK I might be slow on the uptake but now its sunk in he is not going to collaborate.

But he is constantly trying to provoke me to go that extra mile and report him to the police or go to court for a custody order. He would love that so he could say how evil and destructive I am.

Last week my daughter rang sobbing that he had said lots of swear  words to her. But she made me promise not to challenge him, and of course he has bullied me into not being able to act either. I had written to set out the way the week could work, the days he would pick kids up from school, the nights they would sleep with me, and that he would have kids this weekend. He replied OK.

BUT COME Saturday morning at 8,15 my daughter rings, she says daddy has gone to work! He had left D 11 and S 9 at home and left for a six hour shift saying " you can call mummy when you want". He had not told me he was working, i assumed he was looking after them. He knows I dont agree they should be left alone at home. Of course I live round the corner so I went straight round. And I thought very hard about whether to ring him to say how I felt, then I did, and got a torrent of anger from him, no apology, questioining was I accusing him of abuse, did I know what abandonment meant? He said call the police like you always used to (i did once in 12 years).

Then the next day, Sunday, he drops my dUghhter outside the house, without checking that I am home, and drives off. My son is upset cos he thought he was seeing Daddy. i ring him and he says "i ve gone out for a trip on the motorbike". I thought he had replied ok that he would have the, for the weekend. Dont know if he forgot or deliberately ignored me.

I of course am not allowed to have a life and be able to plan things, not even my work commitments. The Saturday morning incident maybe was a test to see if I had come home the night before, and was there for the kids when theynrang me from his house!

And I wonder why I am not more angry with him, I am just so tired.

But ai have leanrt one thing here tonight. Not to even dream of "co-parenting with this man"

Is it time for a lawyer to write him a letter? Should I have one more go at writing a parenting plan.

One more question... .how can you write a parenting plan wheh he works shifts which change every week?

No amount of 'agreements' will actually stick unless it is court ordered.

Lawyers have lots of experience with catering for shift work, although it is usually up to the parent to arrange adequate arrangements when the kids are in that parent's care.

Have you spoken with a lawyer?