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Title: I think he senses my leaving. Needing constant assurance. Help. Post by: wishfulthinking on September 25, 2013, 12:59:45 PM I have a meeting with my lawyer on Thursday and am going to close the checking account he stole my checks to so he can't get to anymore of the money (overdrawn anyway right now). I'm detaching but acting civil until I can get my important things out of the house so he doesn't harm them in the meantime. I am packing my emergency bag for me and my daughter to put in my trunk as soon as I can get him to leave for awhile, but he is ALWAYS around now. He feels very bad about last weekend and rightly he should. I am not oohing and ahhhing over him to make him feel better about any of it. He can feel me pulling away because he keeps telling me how much he loves me and all the things he loves about me and how he can't believe he treated the most important person to him like that, you know... .blah blah blah... .then he asks... do you love me? You will be with me forever, right? Promise? While trying to hug on me and act like he cares.
My question is, how do I answer these questions? I've been telling him what he wants to hear on the be with him forever part, but the loving him is not a lie. I do love him, but can't live in such turmoil with addiction and danger along with the BPD. I can't support everyone while he steals my money anymore. I hate lying, but I feel it's necessary right now. Am I approaching it the right way? Title: Re: I think he senses my leaving. Needing constant assurance. Help. Post by: DragoN on September 25, 2013, 01:13:21 PM Excerpt He can feel me pulling away because he keeps telling me how much he loves me and all the things he loves about me and how he can't believe he treated the most important person to him like that, you know... .blah blah blah... .then he asks... do you love me? You will be with me forever, right? Promise? While trying to hug on me and act like he cares. This is heart wrenching. Loving him and knowing the r/s is destroying you. It's not love, but it feels like it until you have worked you way through it. Your integrity is being place on the line with the requests for promises. If he remains a danger, so what you must until you are in a safe place. You owe yourself and child that more than you owe him anything of yourself. Title: Re: I think he senses my leaving. Needing constant assurance. Help. Post by: GreenMango on September 25, 2013, 06:16:51 PM Considering the way he reacts and if I was intent on leaving - I'd lie too. I'd lie about staying together and loving him. I wouldn't bother trying to have repairitive conversations. I wouldnt rock the boat at all... .just get my ducks in a row. And leave when the opportunity was presented.
Someone that abuses, steals, has an addiction etc isn't trustworthy. I wouldn't trust them to react reasonably. Unfortunately love isn't enough. How does the dv counselor say to approach it? |