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Well I have kept everyone updated its been 9 months since my exBPDgf broke up with me and for the most part I have started to do well. I'm doing things for me and concentrating on work. I haven't been tempted in a very long time or if at all to check her social media ect... .I have been focusing on me... .

Well for the most part.

One bad habit I still have is constantly checking my email. The last time my ex properly contacted me (apart from a lame txt message) was via email and I can't shake that part of me that anticipates that she will want to re-contact me again. I don't understand why that is. I mean i know she is sick and that I could never have a relationship with her and everything i went through was so painful I would never want to go through that again. I don't understand why i can't let go of this inbox obsession. Any advice?

Try and block her email address.

So that way if she does try to contact you it will go to junk folder... .

Will lessen your desire to check your email over time.

A big positive on you not checking her social media.

Shows you are detaching at least from that angle.

Hang in there snap.

Choosing not to block her email, is on you. In some cases will not even show up in the junk folder. It is automatically deleted. If you block and it's deleted you will know not to check as it will definitely not be there.

The element of an unpleasant surprise and the torture of "should I read it" is eliminated.

There's an important part of you that still wants to hear from her. What's so wrong with that? Why do you have to be perfect?  When the day arrives that you stop looking on your own it will feel natural--relax.   

Conundrum,

Great response.  Freeing.

I guess you are right... .Although I still think about her a lot and the good times we had I'm not really longing for her back or anything the transformation she made after the Idealization period is something I will never and cannot ever forget.

In bold.

That other side.

Hell on earth.

Use that horrible memory to protect yourself from ever letting her back into your life.

Snap I thought you were going to confess something really bad!  I saw confession and thought uh-oh. lol

Itll get better.  Maybe you need more time?

Hang in there.

Hmmmmm Mango I think its reasonably bad under the circumstances... .We broke up in January I feel a little silly that I still think about her a lot. I know thats normal according to these boards but even so... .at least it doesn't hurt me like it used to her. I miss her at times but the sadness is almost gone. I just want to 100% let go its still heart over head at times.

I've read bad... .like sleeping with your ex when wanting to detach, trying to get their attention in wacky ways, etc.

When you check your email you wonder if there will be a message from her.  Maybe hope a little.  Doesn't seem too bad.  At least you aren't self sabotaging.

Snap I thought about mine for at least a year.  That was a time when I thought if the person changed I would have seriously thought about trying it again.  And I'm the one that left.   

It takes some time for heart to catch up with the head.  It's good to hear the sadness is gone - its hard when you love someone to fully not give a damn ever again and to put it on a timeline.

Everyone is a little different on how much time it takes.