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Title: Feel like I'm starting to figure it out Post by: Iwilldecide on September 27, 2013, 10:59:31 AM For the first six months of my relationship with my borderline boyfriend everything was great. Then, i started to get angry with him, trying to get him to do things I wanted. We spent almost 100% of our time together fighting, arguing, me trying to convince him etc. (basically we are two married people who agreed to leave our spouses to be together - I know not good I don't feel good about that, but anyways I left first and he with his fear of change, abandonment, etc is stalling - he has very high stress levels right now because of a bankruptcy, hoome foreclosure etc and has been dissociating often).
Back to the matter at hand. I guess what I realized was that there is no amount of talking, discussion, ANYTHING that can change a BPD or make them do anything they don't want to do. AT least with my BPD. he is incapable of taking direction or making a move he just sits and waits and lets everything unfold around him. I get the best results from him when i am just myself, happy, independent, nurturing with him and always ensuring that i will never leave him, but unaffected by his moods. My BPD at least does not react well to "talks" So since, I have taken on this new attitude (and realized he had BPD thank god how lost would I be if i didn't have these boards to help me understand) things are much better. Life is beautiful you have to enjoy what you can and you can't live your life for someone else. especially someone who is BPD! Title: Re: Feel like I'm starting to figure it out Post by: waverider on September 28, 2013, 05:42:06 AM You are right, refocusing on you and giving them room to follow works better than putting the spotlight on them and asking them to "perform". if pressured they will dig in defensively, and react very badly to perceptions of control.
Not to mention it causes you endless frustration. |