BPDFamily.com

Has anyone ever had your partner tell you they wanted to split up and then actually seem to treat you better?  I ask this because, I swear, in some ways my wife is actually treating me better since she told me she wants to separate.  She gave me a birthday party on Saturday, then took me and my stepchildren to lunch yesterday for a 'family' celebration of my birthday.  She then took me and bought me some new clothes for my birthday.  She has always been pretty nice to me on my birthday, as far as us going out and things, but it was almost 'over the top' this weekend.  What is even more confusing is that I can actually talk to her about the issues I have had during our marriage without her becoming defensive, cutting off conversation, or going into a rage.  The couple of mild rages she has had also ended quickly.  She tells me she still loves me, but that it is too late to fix things.  This really keeps me on an emotional edge.  Is this her goal?  Does all this mean that she has detached from me to the point that I am no longer a trigger?  I am very confused.  I hope someone has a similar story to share or some insight that might help me to understand how she is acting.

I'm sorry I don't have a similar experience but could this be the calm before  the storm? She does all this for you and them you're just going to let her go? Couldn't that be construed as abandonment?

Have you prepared for separation? ie: have you spoken to a lawyer, taken measures to protect yourself, worked out how to get your stuff out? Whichever stage your relationship is at, it might be a good idea to have an exit strategy so that you are not taken by surprise and disadvantaged by not having a strategy in place. Good luck. 

If she wants to leave, I've told her, she can go.  I am not leaving my home.  She knows we can't do this, financially.  She knows that her family and my stepchildren love me very much.  If she leaves, she knows she can't make it on her own and everybody will suffer.  She also knows what she would be losing.  Maybe this is why she is being nice.  Maybe she sees it as the only way not to be the 'bad' guy.  Maybe she really dos still love me and just isn't willing to accept the stress it will take to repair things.  I just don't know.