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I just had a pretty deep suppressed memory come back to me I was just wondering if anyone else has had this? Ironically I start therapy tomorrow but I'm just having a hard time tonight. My childhood memories have been coming back to me a lot and I've noticed the memory starts with something I remember but I'd always push it away if that makes sense. I've been trying to process everything I want to move on and up until now they've been about my BPD mother but then I had a memory of being molested by a family member surface tonight and I'm really having a hard time.

Hey there heartbroken.             

You have embarked on the very first steps of the Survivor's Guide. One of the most difficult places to be.

I entered my own breakthrough crisis in a similar way. My Dad became terminally ill and it was my desire to reconcile with him before he passed away. That meant therapy and having to face my own childhood and all it's little demons.

That included processing that I had been sexually molested. And it was those memories, wrapped up in shame, that were the most painful and so difficult to face. It was realizing that part of my resentment for my dad was that he played his own role in not keeping me safe from evil.

You're not alone in this. You're also very, very brave for coming here and posting about it.

How did the therapy appointment go?

 DreamGirl  

Hello Heartbroken,

I just wanted to say I hope you are ok and to support you on your journey.

I was subjected to strange sexual things from my mother and father when I was a child. None of the things would, perhaps, traditionally be seen as abuse, but many things that families outside of mine would find very strange and perhaps disturbing. 

For me these things surfaced over 15 years ago.  They were painful to see, perhaps most painful was to understand that they were not normal and were a kind of abuse. But after seeing these things somehow I felt a great release/relief.  A bit like a pressure cooker releasing it's steam and then feeling peaceful. 

So hang in there, the peace/ release will be worth it. 

Hugs.

I am all but certain I was sexually abused but my memories are like wisps of smoke. I can't get to them so I am left with just the sense that something happened but I don't know what.    :'(

I just wanted to say thank you for the replies that I received I completely forgot to come back. I think I posted this in a way so that I wouldn't suppress it again if that makes any sense. These boards have had such a huge impact on what I know see as my recovery from an extremely broken childhood. I've been in therapy a couple months now and I found an amazing therapist so I think I might be okay someday... .Anyway I'm doing much better and I can't thank you guys enough for sharing your experiences and support. Thanks Again

^^This is me, exactly.^^

I have partial memories that are disturbing and I strongly suspect I may have been molested on 2 occasions, once by my father and once by some boys from my neighborhood.  I must have been about 5 years old.  There are so many things about me that I don't understand, and some things that I think I do understand.  One example is the fact that I hated sitting in my father's lap; it gave me such an icky feeling, and hated it when I was expected to hug and kiss him too.  I also remember being terribly afraid to be alone with a man, even men who never did anything to me that was untoward.  I wish my memories weren't so hazy, but I suppose I will remember someday if my subconscious decides I'm ready to know about it.