BPDFamily.com

This disorder of theirs knows no bounds.  2 weeks ago she sits down in an empty cubie 20 feet away albeit in my direct line of sight. There were 4 other empty desks and she picks that one.  I pay her no attention.  15 mins goes by and she gets up and walks down to aisle stops to talk to a coworker infront of my desk and starts running her fingers through the womans hair. ... saying how much she liked it. whatttt tffffff ?   I on the other hand was on a call. Cornered in my own desk.  I couldnt move. I tried to play it off. My voice quivered. I know she heard me. I tried to nor react to her. My body deceived me.  She finallly walks away.

Friday night I receive a text. I dont recognize the number.

"Hey."

It was an anniversary.  1 year to the day since I last spoke to her.

Its been a year and a half since our breakup. She is still with my replacement.

We work in opposite buildings. The only way to move on is to leave my job. Her shadow lurks everywhere.  


"Please leave me alone. Haven't you had your fill? All your engagement comes from a lonely place of selfishness.  You are a human vessel of poison. Emotional nerve gas."

These are the things I wish I could respond to her with. But I do not dare to follow her lead in this dysfunctional dance. I know where it will lead. It will set me back.  Reset the emotional trauma. I take great value pride in standing my ground. I cant believe I made it a year without communicating with her in any form. Some days I feel total detachment.  Other days, I miss her essence so much my heart aches.  

This gd inability to let go. On both of our part.  Why do I still die a little inside when confronted with her?

Gutwrenching.

Hi 34  :)

Yep that would ug me out too.

Then the text Hey?

Good lord I don't know what to say but a new job might be good. 

I hate it when it gets weird like this - its too much.

Mango ! Been awhile girlfrienddddddd... .  lol.

Talked to my t ... .tonight. Her take was that her life must be boring and she is looking to spice it up by re engaging. And who would be a most perfect candidate other than I the tortured ex. So the  T asks me... .  "so 34, you gonna take that poisonous bait ? " ... .I told her that I have not been weak as I have been... .but im taking it day by day. When I told the T abiut the hair thing... .she made a bitter beer face.

Good to still see you on here fighting the good fight. Id send you a bouquet of flowers if I could.


Take it ez.

34 --

Stay strong. Keep taking it day by day. And good job in resisting contact.

I was talking with a RT buddy the other day -- he and I seem to share a penchant for dating BPDs... .Anyway, the topic was "how long can this go on?" -- I was bending his ear about how my uBPDxGF had been txtng, emailing and leaving phone msgs for me for well over a MONTH since SHE told me not to contact her -- for the last time, unbeknownst to her at the time. He said one of his exes was still sending him stuff a YEAR later.

They're just really sad, tortured people. I mean, Hollywood figured out the formula for melodrama a long time ago -- 90 minutes is the maximum length. 

Hang in there.

yes stay strong