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Title: I tried Post by: Onmyown on October 01, 2013, 09:30:34 AM Well -
I gave it another try. Saw that he was willing to listen to my suggestions on help, saw that he was willing to try. Saw that he was actually taking the steps to make himself healthy meantally and physically. 3 weeks ago, I teased him about a project he was doing. Just teasing. He blew up at me in front of 3-4 people, yelled, belittled and just flat humliated me. He knew others were around and it didn't stop him. I went home and the weekend was ruined. We talked later after he calmed down. The typical scenario - "I thought you meant this?" He completely took what I said out of text, twisted it around in his mind and made it something that it wasn't. We talked, told it him that it's not ok. He promised to talk things through that we "have " to start talking through this. He understood that he overreacted. This past weekend. He let me sleep ( over active sex drive) made me coffee, everything for a nice morning. I made a nice breakfast so he could relax. Ready to get in the shower, he wanted me to lay down again (we already had sex twice that morning). I told him that I didn't want too and he said please. "No, I'm going to get in the shower, I don't want to lay down." He said ok and I got in the shower. While in the shower, he left. Just up and left, no goodbye or anything. I called to find out where he went when I couldn't find him. His things were gone as well. He got mad because I was rude to him by saying "I don't want too." "After all I did for you this morning!" Remember 3-4 weeks prior "we're gonna start talking through this." That was his "final chance" he asked for. The two week cycle that keeps rearing it's ugly head, is no more. NC has been put in place. Try try again? Nevermore. Wish me luck>> Title: Re: I tried Post by: Ironmanrises on October 01, 2013, 09:39:32 AM Well - I gave it another try. Saw that he was willing to listen to my suggestions on help, saw that he was willing to try. Saw that he was actually taking the steps to make himself healthy meantally and physically. 3 weeks ago, I teased him about a project he was doing. Just teasing. He blew up at me in front of 3-4 people, yelled, belittled and just flat humliated me. He knew others were around and it didn't stop him. I went home and the weekend was ruined. We talked later after he calmed down. The typical scenario - "I thought you meant this?" He completely took what I said out of text, twisted it around in his mind and made it something that it wasn't. We talked, told it him that it's not ok. He promised to talk things through that we "have " to start talking through this. He understood that he overreacted. This past weekend. He let me sleep ( over active sex drive) made me coffee, everything for a nice morning. I made a nice breakfast so he could relax. Ready to get in the shower, he wanted me to lay down again (we already had sex twice that morning). I told him that I didn't want too and he said please. "No, I'm going to get in the shower, I don't want to lay down." He said ok and I got in the shower. While in the shower, he left. Just up and left, no goodbye or anything. I called to find out where he went when I couldn't find him. His things were gone as well. He got mad because I was rude to him by saying "I don't want too." "After all I did for you this morning!" Remember 3-4 weeks prior "we're gonna start talking through this." That was his "final chance" he asked for. The two week cycle that keeps rearing it's ugly head, is no more. NC has been put in place. Try try again? Nevermore. Wish me luck>> I am sorry you went through that. In bold. I can relate. That was a constant issue with mine. I had to carefully word everything... . Because the translating processors in her head... . Would twist and distort... . Every f¥cking thing i said to her. So draining. Saddening. Maddening. Frustrating. Chaotic. Counterproductive. NC is the only viable option left. Hang in there onmyown. Title: Re: I tried Post by: Lucky Jim on October 01, 2013, 09:41:18 AM Hi Onmyown, The reality is that BPD is an extremely complex disorder that generally proves fatal over time to most, but not all, relationships. That you have come to the crossroads is a good thing, in my view. Stand firm, keep good boundaries and get on with YOUR life.
Lucky Jim Title: Re: I tried Post by: Jbt857 on October 01, 2013, 03:22:24 PM Scenario slightly different, but sentiments and behaviours? I own that t-shirt. I had almost a decade of the on-again, off-again. Each time he made less effort, I worked harder to fix our marriage.
You can keep doing this forever. It only gets a little bit worse each time. These boards aren't exactly heaving with: "he/she begged for another chance and promised to work on it, and isn't life just wonderful now" success stories. You've made a great decision. Stick with it. Put you first. You're worth it - you really are. Title: Re: I tried Post by: Onmyown on October 01, 2013, 06:43:04 PM Scenario slightly different, but sentiments and behaviours? I own that t-shirt. I had almost a decade of the on-again, off-again. Each time he made less effort, I worked harder to fix our marriage. You can keep doing this forever. It only gets a little bit worse each time. These boards aren't exactly heaving with: "he/she begged for another chance and promised to work on it, and isn't life just wonderful now" success stories. You've made a great decision. Stick with it. Put you first. You're worth it - you really are. Thank you! It's funny, I've done this recycle thing so many times that it's just going through the motions now. I really don't have any emotion other "here we go again." My NC is in place in all aspects and I'm making notes on my calendar so I can see my progress. It'll be nice to do something for myself and not feel guilty about it. 3.5 years of this on again/off again love is over. Title: Re: I tried Post by: Onmyown on October 01, 2013, 06:44:42 PM Hi Onmyown, The reality is that BPD is an extremely complex disorder that generally proves fatal over time to most, but not all, relationships. That you have come to the crossroads is a good thing, in my view. Stand firm, keep good boundaries and get on with YOUR life. Lucky Jim Thank You Jim for your words of encouragement. BPD is a complex disorder and I no longer have to worry about the next event so to speak. Title: Re: I tried Post by: Onmyown on October 01, 2013, 06:48:24 PM I am sorry you went through that.
In bold. I can relate. That was a constant issue with mine. I had to carefully word everything... . Because the translating processors in her head... . Would twist and distort... . Every f¥cking thing i said to her. So draining. Saddening. Maddening. Frustrating. Chaotic. Counterproductive. NC is the only viable option left. Hang in there onmyown. I agree saddening upseting nauseating I've been in this position so many times before it's like the same thing just a different day. I'm glad that I'm done with letting myself be abused anymore. Thank you for your reply |