BPDFamily.com

Hi Everyone,

After several weeks of rollercoaster rides in our relationship, including us splitting up and then getting back together again, our relationship is finally over. And I feel like crap because I didn't want this and still don't... .but it had to happen.

I so wish we could just work things out and get back together, but I'm sure that's not going to happen.

Basically, after a week of some serious ups & downs (going from 'lets go on vacation together next month' to berating me and ignoring me, back to 'lets go to Peru together next month'... .I wrote her an e-mail saying that I really loved her and really want to have a long term future together and realise all our goals in life together but I had noticed that her behaviour recently was 'unpredictable and impulsive' and that I think she should 'talk' to someone about it.

She replied by saying that she had nothing to say to me unless I apologised to her first for all my bad behaviour and she's let me get away with it for too long and that I obviously think it's OK for me to behave like this.

So I didn't reply to her. Nothing. I just left it (and her) alone. She tried calling me a few times, I didn't answer, she tried IM'ing me a few times - I didn't read them. She replied again to my e-mail saying that she understands that I'm ignoring her and do I need more time... .

Then last night the inevitable happened... .she knocked on my door and asked if we could talk. I told her that I only have 1 thing to say to her and that's that she should go and 'talk to someone' and that after she has done that, then we can talk again. I then said that I have nothing else to say and closed the door. she went back to her car and took out a bag that was full of my things from her house and left them by my door and then drove off. In her eyes, dropping off my stuff is the final act of ending the relationship. She did ask for her things, but I didn't answer her... .I'll get them together and drop them off by her apartment when she's at work sometime.

She came to my house already prepared to end the relationship, she already had my stuff packed up ready to drop off. - Incidentally, there are things missing, things that she knows I would want. But I'm not going to contact her again.

But... .I am hoping and praying that she contacts me to see if we can work things out. I would have to stick to my word that she needs to talk to someone first, but maybe this is what she needs to push her to do it. I know that she really does love me a lot. And I love her too.

We've had some great times in our relationship, I have some really wonderful memories of us together. We traveled extensively. And she really does have a good side to her, she can be very loving, affectionate and we really 'connect' together.

But I have plenty of bad memories too. Lots of bad moods, lots of ignoring me (6 weeks was the most she went - torture) lots of berating and criticism and me feeling anxious about it all.

This hurts... .

If only... .

I'm sorry, that is really rough and painful. I'm sure it's hard having nothing to do but wait and hope. Do you know how long you'll wait?

It sounds like you did a great job being firm and strong, even in the midst of a breakup. Keep strong... .

I understand exactly how you feel.  I've read your post twice. The similarities among the BPD people and the similarities in those of us involved with them is undeniable. I spent a third session with a new therapist on Wednesday and I said exactly the same things that you said about my ex partner.  It's the trips and the travel and the good times that shred my heart. The therapist said I need to focus on the bad, but I'm so blind to it.

I am in the same boat as you, wishing he would get help, wishing he could just behave "normal" and that the ugly side of him would calm down and allow the good side that is so good be the dominant part of his personality.

Right now we aren't even speaking to each other and he's back with his exgirlfriend. His impulsive and unpredictable behavior means he might return to me one day, but who knows.

It's so painful.

I'm sorry to hear that, Mr Mom. It's painful to go through a break up, and add on to that the confusing feelings that can come with being in a BPD relationship... .

Sometimes love is not enough. You seem to have found an important boundary for you. That's important.       

Thanks for all your support and understanding.

It is hard and it is difficult.

I'm really trying my best to move away from my hurt feelings and try to concentrate on my future. I live in a very small community so it's difficult to avoid being in her vicinity which makes it all that much harder. The only thing I can really do when I'm feeling sad about this is to try to remember that there are no good times without bad times. We traveled extensively and even though these were great times, there was always an 'incident' that would occur that would inevitably end up being my fault and result in silent treatment for some extended period.

Nevertheless, I still miss her and I miss the good times.

I find it difficult to believe that we could share so much with each other and make long term plans together and how she could tell me she loves me so much so often and tell me she wants to have 2 children together and go so far as to plan where we would live and how we would share the responsibilities of living together... .and then, all of a sudden... .it's all gone... .Like it was all just meaningless... .

I wonder if she's hurting as much as I am? Probably not right now, but I'm willing to bet that sometime in the near future she will, and that's when she'll text me or find some other way to contact me and initiate some conversation and then just as I'm getting over her... .it all starts again... .