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It seems the that our relationships were full of highs and lows, but did anyone else come to an end in just straight 3-4 month low periods with about 1-2 days of up times.  I don't know what is going on but straight endless days of devaluation are something else.  It isn't even hurting any more it has just become silly, really really silly.  She got mad the other day because the Chinese food we ordered was too good... .  Has anyone else experienced this? 

Borderlines are impulsive and can also suffer from depression or be co-morbid Bi-Polar. The main difference between Bi-Polar and BPD is that they have more sustained periods of the lows.

Did you pick the restaurant?

Are you still in a relationship with this person?

I can say I experienced that with my uBPD ex. The last 7 weeks though she was making excuses to go out with her affair partner, then she left. The interactions that we did have, she was projecting, blaming and really aggressive. Like I was getting in her way.

The 3 or 4 month period before that 7 weeks was something else. Devaluation almost everyday with rage episodes at least 4 times a week. She stepped up her impulsivity game as well. I could simply walk in the kitchen and she would explode by the way that she thought I looked at her or breathed.

The white periods, and I wouldn't say there was much idealization, she wasn't really splitting, (she would always say I was draining her when she was splitting) but it was only when she wanted something. Like going to my staff christmas party a couple of weeks after she told me she was leaving and "moving on" and when she wanted me to co-sign a loan (exit money).

I feel for you. It was the most confusing period of my life, I was unaware of BPD at the time.  It's not a place I want to ever return to. I was watching a loved on having a melt down and I couldn't get through to her. It was a whirlwind of chaos.

The end for me felt like nothing else in the relationship, the only other part that was close to it was in winter of 2010, 3 straight weeks of devaluation. It was more intense in the end, it felt 10x worse than that really bad patch in 2010.

She devaluated, raged, was keeping secrets, projected the failed marriage on me, then was gone and didn't feel sorry about it and it was like 8 years with someone else was simply done.

I hope things turn around for you.

Yep - the last 3-4 months were brutal. Our sex life had evolved to the best I had ever experienced. This woman seemed to know what my very soul desired - I felt free to express my true self without guilt or shame.

The one day without warning I got an email. She did not want to "deepen our intimacy - she would not be "carrying on" as she had been". That was it - the end of our sex life and the beginning of the end of the r/s. I had been devalued.

The rest is history - painful history. Just at the end she "painted me white" for a week, split, then went black and left town.

I see now how I behaved in this time. I was in denial that it was over. I did everything I could to "make things good again" to avoid the abandonment I knew in my heart was coming. I groveled and rescued - embarrassing now when I look back at it.

when the devalution set in. everything go her nerves, How I talked, everything is said, If i walked in the room It wa show I looked at her. and it built and built until she would push me away. Once I was gone a few weeks It was like I was back white again. all of a sudden everything I had done waas the best in the world. Like it was magic.

and this happened just about everytime until this last one. It was much longer apart. right now she is trying to reach me by texts telling me how much she has missed us and everything about us. 7 days ago. We just dont fit, she just wants peace, This relationship is to hard on her. She dont love me anymore. but 7 days later It was the best, blah, blah blah.

I am not sur eif she has a replacement, if I bet she does. She did tell me she was texting with guy that is her "distraction from us" but shes not into him. Of course I wonder what has happened now. That all of a sudden she desire my attention. All of her friends have plans? he got tired already of her bs? who knows but I know that something happened.

In bold.

Same horrifying thing happened to me too.

She even told me... .

"Why do you breath like that on the phone... .?"... .

Mind you... .

I wasn't doing anything different.

It is how you know... .

Something clearly is f¥cking wrong here.

And that is... .

BPD.

Hell on earth.

Sounds like and could be triangulation.

I was devalued in a wacky way.

I was so much smarter than him, he says. I use words he doesn't understand. I can answer the questions on Jeopardy. I have a concierge. My friends have nice cars. As if those are bad things.

He had to pick me apart because just being who I am did not feel good to him.

I think that some BPDs try to win the heart of the prince or princess so they will feel like special. "I must be terrific, I am dating the prince." But then the prince, being so inherently noble, makes them feel bad about themselves because they are so insecure. So they pick you apart so they don't feel so crappy about themselves.

That big words thing really hits home here, I have heard that over and over again.  My argument was always it is English I am only speaking it.

Century... .BINGO! Absolutely correct.

Toward the end of our long run, my ex hurt me bad.  Over the years she dug at me about many things: my laugh, my sneeze, my clothes, my hair, my chest hair, my jokes, the way I chew, the way I swallow food, the way I whistle, the way I interact with the elderly people in my job (I am a pastor)... .  At last she was even wiping away my kisses.  Of course, in the most recent recycle attempt, after her boyfriend landed in jail,  I was her prince again... .  We are finally doing the divorce papers.  But, as I see on this board, recycle attempts may continue.  Is there an end to the weirdness after a BPD r/s?

Fiddlestix