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Title: Feeling weak after two months apart. Post by: Morrison11 on October 04, 2013, 08:02:23 PM Its been two full months since I ended things with my exBPDgf. We have had very minimal contact. Most of the contact we have had has been about her returning to DBT. She keeps coming at me with things like "You need to take responsibility for me needing to cheat on you", "You stopped validating me and I needed it from someone", "You would've eventually left me anyway", etc.
The thing is that I never would've left her. I was so in tune with her BPD, and my goal was always to be a support in her health, without sacrificing my boundaries. The problem was that eventually she crossed my biggest boundary: cheating. I've been struggling a lot as of late. I am very close with my big extended family, and I've always been grounded with work and my friendships. But in the last two weeks, my sister moved across the country, and it has been really difficult for me to adjust to. Work has been so overwhelming. It never seemed to be this overwhelming before. I find myself feeling very alone. I've got amazing friends and family, but my exBPDgf is the only one I can think of in these moments. I want to call her. I want to cry my eyes out to her. She is always the one to sooth these pains of mine. I know that I can't do it. I know that because she is maintaining her health, I can't reach out and set her back in the idealization of me and the transference of her validation to me as the source. I've been writing letters to her, that I know I'll never send. It seems to help me. I get to say everything I feel in my heart on paper, without sending them to her and opening that door. Any other suggestions of how to manage the weak moments in the beginning of the break up? These wounds are deep and I will try anything to heal them. Title: Re: Feeling weak after two months apart. Post by: DragoN on October 04, 2013, 08:44:59 PM Excerpt "You need to take responsibility for me needing to cheat on you" Morrison, do yourself a favor and really take a hard look at that statement. How many levels of betrayal are inherent to those actions? How much was premeditated? How many lies to your face to cover up? And, keep in mind, she is not without empathy, quite the opposite, because BPD have empathy, they can lock into us, read us but because they lack conscience, they can use it against us. And they do. Why? They don't feel bad about hurting their partners. The non only acts as salve to their pain. Excerpt "You stopped validating me and I needed it from someone", They are bottomless pits. Excerpt She is always the one to sooth these pains of mine. She has empathy, but her actions without conscience are your pain. Excerpt Any other suggestions of how to manage the weak moments in the beginning of the break up? These wounds are deep and I will try anything to heal them. Post here and be thankful that you are not married with children. Read the hell those people are living. Include myself and experiences in that. It is not your responsibility to rescue her from herself. That is her job. It hurts like nothing else, but you will eventually heal and she most likely will not. Title: Re: Feeling weak after two months apart. Post by: numb_buddha on October 04, 2013, 09:01:18 PM I've actually found this guys videos helpful. He has a lot of them, and some are repetitive, but he has a positive outlook which helps make me feel a little more positive, as well.
www.youtube.com/channel/UCEM-48bmpH6l_K1WAFR4ung (http://www.youtube.com/channel/UCEM-48bmpH6l_K1WAFR4ung) Title: Re: Feeling weak after two months apart. Post by: toomanytears on October 04, 2013, 11:08:14 PM numb_buddha I've just started watching these videos you suggested. Thanks :)
Title: Re: Feeling weak after two months apart. Post by: SeekerofTruth on October 05, 2013, 12:16:53 PM thanks, interesting.
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