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I tried to do it on my own and with your guys support really I did. I've accepted everything and had 10 months to move on and although I don't miss her all the time or want her back im just overwhelmed still with depression and Trauma. I still blame myself at times for the destruction even though my logical mind 100% knows its because of BPD... .I can't live life like this no one is going to want to be around me if I can't give the best of myself. I feel like this is my only option I have left now just thought I would share it with you

imo, you're doing the right thing - I could never have got this far without my therapist's work.

Some things are just too huge to be tackled alone, no matter how much support. Sometimes you need a trained professional working one-to-one with you to get out of the 'frozen' state so you can start to move and start to take control of your own thoughts and feelings and your own life.

I'm on the way now, and I look forward to hearing that it helps you like it's helped me.

Take care of yourself - and I mean that. Instead of taking care of someone else, or letting someone else takes care of you - YOU take care of YOURSELF for a change. You matter. xx

Good call Snappafcw

If you feel you need the extra help, go for it. Suggest you find a T who is well versed in the PD dynamic. Not all T's are the same.

Therapy is good stuff. Good luck to you.

Hang in there buddy.

You are not alone.

Snappa-

You write this post like you have failed in something.  You have not.  I tried to "do it on my own" for a month and a half or so after the breakup.  Then all of a sudden the idea of talking to a T seemed REAL nice. This from someone who believed 100% the stigma against seeing a T, that there must be something really wrong with you and you must be really troubled to do it.

My relationship with my BPDex and the aftermath of it have been the single hardest things I have ever had to deal with in my entire life.  They stretched me as thin as I could go, and got me real close to breaking. My T helped me pull myself back together... .and to process. 

Go and see a T.  It can only help you.

Thank you so much guys and godbless you!

I had an awesome weekend did my first international tour as a DJ it went really well. I left my baggage at home and I really felt like somebody! But now that I'm back my problems are still here and I still feel unworthy of love and genuine company ect. Like many of you I did hang out with one girl but it was just a fling or a booty call if you want to put it that way... .

I do feel the stigma of seeing a therapist but If i don't rise above it i wont feel better so whats worse.

snappafcw



Can you imagine what a BPD might feel? And they live with shame at the core?

There is no stigma as far as I am concerned, it's doing the responsible thing and being accountable to yourself for doing the best you can to maintain your mental health. BPD r/s are truly hell on earth. My therapist had an extensive background in dealing with PD dynamics and he saved me from going down the rabbit hole.

Book that appointment and all the best to you.

Until I got professional help I was only one step away from joining my uBPD ex GF in a psychiatric hospital. Really. My therapist specializes in BPD, and has helped me so much in understanding how I feel and how to heal and how I was not responsible for her behavior. It is amazing to not have to explain all the details, and to talk to a non judgmental 3rd party expert.

I was the LAST person in the world to consider a therapist before this trauma - that kind of thing was for other (fragile, self obsessed) people. How wrong I was! Actually, it takes bravery to ask for help, and open yourself.  Embrace the chance to grow.

Find a good therapist with expertise in BPD. Get any help you can. Anywhere, everywhere. You are worth it.

100% spot on, Tricky! Just like you, I consider myself a very strong self-made person. Getting involved with a BPD challenged my own sense of self and getting professional help was vital for me personally as well.

snappafcw, we are proud of you choosing to help yourself!  |iiii  Best wishes to you. 

Our sense of blame and subsequent feelings of failure stems way back before we met our ex - its a trigger. I think its great you are seeing a Therapist snapp - when we are emotional we cannot ask and answer our questions - we need an impartial person to help facilitate our thoughts.

My advice with your therapist - be open, be really honest and be vulnerable.

I will echo this.  There were several times I just broke down and cried in my sessions.  Just released all of the anguish I had been holding in me over certain memories/things. Open up and bare your soul to your T.  Their job is to help you make sense of what you find.

Thanks guys I just contacted one via email leaving my number and telling her I need help with depression, PTSD and fallout from possible BPD/NPD so hopefully she will be appropriate. I will keep everyone updated It scares me but i know I have to do it.

Snappa,

I get scared every time I see my therapist or counselor, never sure what will come out of my mouth, or what angle they will take on my thoughts and feelings. (Luckily in the UK it's free for a while). Always drained afterwards, but usually feel a bit lighter and more able to face the truth. Painful, challenging, exhausting, hard to hear sometimes, but I know it's the only option to free myself from the effects of my ex GF's behavior.

The first realisation I truly felt inside myself, after hours of talking and thinking was: I am responsible for my thoughts, actions and emotions (not her!), but I am not responsible for my ex's; she is. Hard to handle - not blaming some one else, and taking responsibility for myself.

Good luck, I hope you find the right therapist for you. Go for it honestly and openly.

Absolutely no shame in seeing a therapist. Mine has been vital in helping me stay afloat and find ways to come out of this stronger. Someone else mentioned being honest and vulnerable as key, and it is true. Remember that your therapist's office is a safe space; if you need to get something out, there is no safer place. Let them hear your thoughts and feelings, and let them help you, it's what they're there for.

Hang in there my friend, you're making a good decision.  |iiii

I was in therapy before I met myBPDex and once we got together she became the topic of conversation from then on. Two years ago! It goes to show you how powerful this disorder is and how anyone trapped in the web is never the same.

from a female perspective I have never been with or dated a man who has gone to or believed in therapy.  Seems like so many have a negative connotation.  Whereas I know lots of women who go.  However, the men I do know who have found it helpful I admire.  So if I ever date a man who says he's been to therapy in the past would be a plus in my mind.  just my .02