BPDFamily.com

One of the things that frustrates me, is just how much my ex. gf could scream and threaten me, and if I ever in the slightest raised my voice, or broke and said something nasty, I could know she'd manipulate everything said and share it with some others. Of course I knew that if others actually saw what went on, in truth, they'd have a problem with the way she treated me.

   As a man, I find it tough to be treated so harshly, and it seems that the bar for people to believe you is much higher, I sometimes felt she got a hallpass for this behavior. Any others out there experience this?

   Sometimes I think I need to stick up for me more, and wish others and culture recognized that this stuff actually happens to men.

Yep, yep, yep... .physical, verbal and mental abuse followed by false allegations against me. You are far from alone on this one LivingLearning!

Absolutely... .abuse is abuse.

Take a look at this thread... .it's quite eye opening:

https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=87480.0

I'm surprised i allowed the abuse. It just built and built, until all get out.

The building up phase, was experienced as passive-aggressive what the heck, covert abuse.  Then i would get blamed (& controlled) for being angry and upset as the one having the problem.  And the flip-flop was in full swing.

Generally speaking the answer to your question is "no". People  have a hard time comprehending it and you will see from the posts here that this is indeed the case.

You will see this close up when you call the police for help and they end up taking you away in handcuffs. Apart from individual situations that differ greatly, society's perceptions are such that the male is ALWAYS the abuser.

In a staged bashing for a TV show where a woman bashes the man on the street the passers by figure he did something wrong and that he obviously deserves it.  Only one person stepped up to ask if he was OK. The point of that ofcourse is that if the woman was being bashed the passers by would have taken the man down (and probably beaten him, too). Think about it.

So to get people to believe you, you will need proof. ABR! (Always Be Recording). Don't get frustrated when nobody believes you. If you were listening to you, would you believe it?

I was subjected to emotional, psychological and physical abuse for quite a while, of course I didn't call it that when I was enmeshed with her, but after I left I saw it for what it was, and was diagnosed with a healthy dose of PTSD.

It may seem uneven in the culture, and more violence does get perpetrated towards women by men in general, but that doesn't matter, abuse is abuse.  Look at a list of traits of healthy relationships for a minute and see how well yours does; mine failed miserably.

Proof is required whether you are male or female. Different jurisdictions and different laws. Reactive Abuse will also get you charged. Defense is reactive abuse, the ludicrousness of such a situation is beyond surreal. But it happens and is so. "Walk away" doesn't work with a raging PD, as that triggers abandonment fears.

I called the police on my wife 3 days ago as she came into my room and verbally abused me knowing I was very depressed from our divorce. As soon as she saw me calling, she called and reported me for harassment. Men do get abused by women, but it doesn't fly with public perception.

That is why it's important to read through the thread I referenced above... .it gives a realistic perspective from men who have been through it.  A super important read.

Thanks so much for the support. I teared up earlier as I read the posts. I also realized that it's interesting to notice how I can play a bit of helplessness- a bit manipulative. When I came here I wasn't getting the support I wanted, so i posted something that may not have honestly showed my beliefs.

   I've been studying men's rights for 8 years. I've read much. I realize that I was feeling in a low place an wanted people to say what I sort of already know.

   And wow! That comes with some shame. Shame that after all my hard work I could still not believe what I say I believe. That after ll this time I could still play a victim, still feel weak and needing help.

  And shame that I could be a weak man and I were " good enough" I wouldn't be this way.

   Ugh, anyhow. What I really feel? Fricking sad, angry, and a bit of hope. Hope that even though I'm going through this stuff again that maybe I actually have learned. That I am changing. I have made so much progress and in this moment I'm hurting some.

   Thank you so much all for the support and the thoughts. It feels so good to be talking/writing about this.