BPDFamily.com

I used to volunteer at a golden retriever rescue and my ex was the caretaker there. After dating for a year of her hellish, insane behavior, she ended the relationship by lying to the head of the rescue that I was in some way abusive. I'm not sure exactly what was said because I received an email from the mean spirited and classic narcissist head of the rescue indicating that domestic violence was a crime. I was banned from volunteering and told not to go near the property or I would be subject to arrest. It was utterly devastating, confusing, disheartening, and frankly just killer for several months to lose someone I loved dearly and also to be accused of something I never did. And it just didn't make sense.  I volunteered there for 5 years and in an instant, I was painted black and my reputation was destroyed for something I never did. 

In the past year, I learned that pwBPD frequently engage in smear campaigns and make up false accusations of abuse.  But I have done such a great job surviving and then moving forward for the past year.  It was such a hard road.  The hardest road. 

Fast forward one year and I just received a newsletter from the rescue after I demanded to be removed from their mailing list and didn't receive anything for a year.  It was in October 2013 that she dumped and smeared me, and in October 2013 that I start receiving newsletters again.  Coincidence? 

I started to think about it a little bit but then I realized something. I TRULY DON'T CARE.  It was such a freeing feeling.  I don't care about her. I don't care about what she does. I don't care about her insane ways or what she tries to do.  I don't care about the rescue and I don't care about any of it. I am so proud of where I am. I actually laughed after a few minutes.

I'm writing this because I want those of you who are suffering to know that there is hope with personal inventory and time.  I was devastated last year at this time.  And like you, I felt that no one could understand because the love I had for her simply couldn't be understood by anyone - it was so special and so real.  I know you might feel the same now.  I didn't even want to think about moving on or feeling better. I wanted to feel bad and sad because I didn't want let go of her. But the bottom line is that right now, I'm stronger than I ever have been. I feel great.  There is nothing that she could do to hurt me now.

My advice?  Realize that you didn't deserve to be treated the way you were by your partner. Realize that love is expressed in actions vs. meaningless words, and that most of their actions just get worse and more abusive over time.  They're crazy because of a dysfunctional brain.  They don't always mean to be... .they just are. Like trying to talk to a psychotic, you'll never get anywhere. So read self-help books.  Meditate daily or enroll in a mindfulness based stress reduction course. Exercise every day when you can finally get off the couch. Write a list of all the bad things they did to you and realize that's who they really are inside.  Accept that their love is unreal or at best fleeting and can never last.  Join a codependency group and see if you fit the mold. By yourself some new clothes. Make a change. Decide to focus on yourself for a while. Nurture your feelings. Take care of yourself. And remember - you are worth it. And one day you WILL get past this.  I promise.

My heart goes out to your suffering.  Love yourself because you deserve it. 

Not funny.  Quite mean of her in my opinion.  The amount of cruelty I see people have endured just makes me so sad.

Well it's incredibly cruel.  The worst kind of cruel. But what's incredibly great is thst there's nothing she can do to hurt me anymore. I have no respect for what she thinks, says, does, or doesn't do.  It's a great feeling!

I'm glad you are through the hurt.