BPDFamily.com

For the first time in many many months, I'm relaxed.

It took days for this feeling that I missed to slowly re-enter my body.

I'm sleeping (still waking and going over the past) but able to go back to sleep. I'm sleeping!   Something I haven't been able to do without sleeping pills, 5-HTP, and ear plugs

Hey Onmyown, These are all good signs!  One suggestion that has helped me is to consciously hit my mental re-set button in order to re-direct my mental focus on something positive when I start ruminating extensively about the past.  When I sense my mind is about to go into a negative spiral, I say to myself Cancel!  Sometimes I even do it out loud.  Lucky Jim

** the rest of my first message didn't upload.**

I slept last night for 7 hours, which is something I haven't done in months.

In the new IOS7 update, you can block a contact.  they can text, call all they want and it goes through on their phone, but never comes to your phone.

I have done this and it's wonderful.  I had two blocked calls/voicemails and didn't even know that I was ignoring him :)

Part II

At home for lunch, my doorbell rings and it's him.

In a text (one week ago) I made it clear that is no need for him to call, text or come to my home ever again.

I didn't answer.

He sat in my driveway for 30 plus min.

So aggravating.  I know better than to let him in, or have a conversation with him.  He left a blocked voicemail saying that "I didn't really do anything wrong, I just want to talk for 5 min." He just wants to know if were really over?

Those of us who have a BPD in life know their denial of any wrong doing and they blame/shift that they are masters at.

I know I did the right thing not engaging with him at my door, but don't want to be prisoner in my own home.  But yet (I'm mad at myself for this) I feel guilty as he walked away.

It's hard being strong when you know you have to be.

I'll be glad when these feelings start to subside.

Has anyone had this happen and feel this way?