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Title: How do I respond to texts like this Post by: Cloudy Days on October 10, 2013, 02:58:40 PM When I am at work I have managed to keep contact with my husband only through texts. If we talk over the phone it gets bad he always finds something to get mad at. Anyways today out of nowhere, I get a text that says
Him "You've gone your way I'm going mine, correct?" Me- "No, what's wrong... .I still love you, not leaving. Are you ok? Him- "your not telling me everything" Me-"What is it you feel I'm not telling you?" Him- "I'm not living like this anymore" Me- "I don't even know what's wrong, I love you though" Him- "You don't know what's wrong because you have been doing it for so long" It keeps going, I'm not going to write the entire conversation out, I just know it goes on to him divorcing me, and then him telling me I need to figure out how to make him believe that I love him (which is impossible). I just hate that I am going about my business and he sends these end it all texts. I know it has nothing to do with me, he's just in his usual funk. However I still have to deal with it. And now he is calling and cussing me out. So obviously he got what he wanted, which was to blow up on me. Title: Re: How do I respond to texts like this Post by: zaqsert on October 10, 2013, 03:15:51 PM Hi Cloudy Days,
I'm sorry you're on the receiving end of his funk. Do you have a boundary that you've enforced when this starts, whether in person, phone, or texts? Perhaps a little SET and then enforce the boundary, something like: S: It seems you feel that we're going our separate ways. E: That must feel horrible. T: I love you. I'm sticking with you. I am at work right now, so I need to work. We can talk after I get home tonight. Then, if needed: I love you. Bye. I'm going to hang up now. <click> Title: Re: How do I respond to texts like this Post by: waverider on October 11, 2013, 06:33:42 AM He is enticing you into JADE mode.
You know how you feel, you can't help how he feels, you are willing to listen if he has specific concerns, but you are not him you cant think his thoughts and you dont want to assume you know his thoughts any better than him. From where you see things you have no reasons to leave him. You dont have any issues and you are not going to be drawn into any, as you see no reason to. Tell him just that. Direct validation rather than going via some imaginary issue Title: Re: How do I respond to texts like this Post by: Cloudy Days on October 11, 2013, 08:22:53 AM Thanks waverider, that was helpful. I am going to write that down.
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