BPDFamily.com

When a normal healthy person comes out of a serious relationship the feelings take sometime to process and mourn. To walk into another relationship with zero emotions from the last RS and repeat the same toxic dance, fairy tale love, porno sex, the world afresh , is the actions of a psychopath, Or a borderline as I now call them. This alone is a huge part of their madness, disassociation. Here we see in full the inner emptiness of their lives, no comprehension of love. Standing outside looking through the window with no door to enter. Infatuation turning bitter you have failed to help her get inside and she hates you now,

Talk about bringing a thread back from the grave!

Byron, what was it about this thread that caught your interest?

Well hopefully Resist nothing has healed himself... .

From this trauma... .

Based on how long ago it was.

Reading these old threads... .

I often wonder... .

What has happened... .

To the lives... .

Of all these people... .

These nons... .

Like us... .

Who were destroyed... .

In a far too similar... .

Fate... .

Like we are undergoing now.

I think my mum was BPD, the mother of my kids, her mum, one of my sisters,…

I don't want to heal, understand them anymore. I want to heal myself.

I'm sorry, but one thing is seriously wrong here.

A psychopath is fully aware of everything he does and has zero feelings what so ever. No empathy. He is fully aware of the pain he conflicts to someone else and it doesn't touch him in any sense.

A person with BPD is also aware of the fact that he/she has hurt other people before or might hurt again, but they don't do that consciously. They do have feelings, but rather than having no empathy and no feelings, they have an overload of these mixed inside their head.

The head of a psychopath is empty. The head of a pwBPD is constantly conflicting with zillions of emotions.

Damn right! I am SO sick of trying to understand the others - but we are all the givers, that's why the BPD chose us in the first place because we don't care about ourselves!

Enough is enough. Let's focus on our own healing.  When our own BPD mother never cared about our emotions, why should we preoccupy ourselves with hers?

Byron,

To answer your post's question: yes.

Yes the cycle of rinse, wash and repeat is the likely outcome from a person with borderline who is not in committed treatment.

They are sick in the head and heart. Their mental illness has nothing to do with us and there is nothing in our power we can do to change that. Like you stated; you can only work on and heal yourself.

Also. Normal is the name of the cycle on a wash machine.

Some.... not all non's process grief and mourning. Some non's will do anything to avoid this crucial step in the direction of healing. Some non's just like our BPD counterparts hate looking into their own mirrors. Some jump right back into dating trying to self-soothe. Some nons stay attached to our BPD's through anger (this was me!). Some recycle over and over as each recycle worsens.

There is no "normal"; only what is.

It's not an us vs. them thing. They're sick but we aren't/weren't the healthiest either. We allowed toxicity, endured abused and participated in the dance for our own personal reasons. Investigating those reason will keep up from repeating our mistakes.

I tried to fix my ex to love me and I was wrong.

I tried to overlook my ex's abuse because I didn't want to do the hard work of learning how to love myself.

I tried to heal my own childhood by living vicariously through my ex.

I tried to change aspects of my ex's personality to suit me.

I ignored my ex's disrespect because I didn't think I could do any better than him.

I tried to buy my ex's love with material things.

It's no wonder the relationship imploded in my face.

Spell

This was a big eye opening list for me Spell. I resonate with each one of these things. Wow. Thank you for sharing that.

"I tried to fix my ex to love me and I was wrong.

I tried to overlook my ex's abuse because I didn't want to do the hard work of learning how to love myself.

I tried to heal my own childhood by living vicariously through my ex.

I tried to change aspects of my ex's personality to suit me.

I ignored my ex's disrespect because I didn't think I could do any better than him.

I tried to buy my ex's love with material things.

It's no wonder the relationship imploded in my face. "

Spell, thank you for this. As painful as it was to read, it is so true, every word.  Feels better to know I am not alone.

Hi Spell,

Thanks for the reply, I'm still processing the relationship (three months out no contact). New things come to light everyday, she told me in the sweetest voice early in the year that work went on holiday to Ibiza... .I suddenly realised she meant without me! I said no way was she going without me, she immediately raged and turned the table we sat at over me and stormed to bed, Knowing I wouldn't let her. But i thought it was with girls, a friend worked with her... .I now realise she was going to go with her Boss. Amazing such warped minds. When she broke it off, she said we hadn't really been together for a year... .news to me we lived together and had an abortion in Jan six months before. Well having learnt about BPD I guess she meant that abortion I paid for was not mine. I thank you for the words, very true. I really would be hard about my boundaries but the gradual process of moving them mm by mm was breathtaking at the end. I was so deceived and confused by her lying and confusion from day one. No one expects such deceit from anyone.

But I am looking at why I didn't leave when I thought something was wrong, even unconciously.

Thank you