BPDFamily.com

Does anyone have any advice orfeedback for my situation ?

Wife has been diagnosed with bipolar for many years but has recently changed psychiatrist. From previous comments and brief discussions with me, it looks like new psychiatrist clearly believes that borderline may be a big factor in wife's behaviour not just bipolar and also that a DBT course may be very helpful. Psych and my wife have asked me to the next session (tomorrow) for a general discussion on her treatment and diagnosis (ie maybe not bipolar). Previous experience says my wife would have been extremely reluctant for me to attend this session and she is highly defensive/in denial about "mental illness" in general. She keeps starting discussions with me about whether or not she is mentally ill and how unfair I am on her. Frankly I feel uncortable about getting into a debate on menatl illness.

My feeling about the meeting tomorrow is that if psych is recommeding wife does a DBT course I should just focus on the potential benefits of this and go along with everything that is said. I don't see a point in getting involved in a debate about whether wife is bipolar or borderline or both. My main fear is that if new psych is diagnosing borderline but not bipolar then he may recommend discontuing wife's mood stabilisers which really worries me.

Being new to this forum I'm interested in any feedback from anyone involved with a dual bipolar/borderline situation and also any feedback about how to approach the meeting with my wife and the psych, also what your experience sof DBT are.

Not getting into a debate with her about the diagnosis sounds smart.  I find asking questions works well. 

Can you let the shrink lead?  Are you thinking she's going to argue with the BPD diagnosis?

Thanks for the feedback. Have had the appointment, shrink I think is on the right track and as you suggested I asked a lot of questions and avoided pushing any discussion on diagnosis and borderline. Talked a lot about her familiy background and he finished the session talking about about "complex emotional disregulation" , "PTSD" and "borderline". He has has emailed my wife some information on these although she won't necessarily send it on to me.  If she doesn't send me the information I guess shrink will form his own views on why she hasn't done that. He also warned her that the information on borderline might be challenging so I guess he is being careful which makes sense.

I'd like to suggest you post on the staying board too, while you look thru the undecided board.  Undecided has the choosing a path lessons (---> right hand margin. 

The way the doctor put the BPD thing gingerly - yeah that's a clue.  A lot of times we think getting the diagnosis is going to fix things.  Sometimes it does and the person starts therapy.  It's the beginning of a long road... with upsets.

Have you had a chance to read the staying board lessons?  The tools will help.  I hope this isn't too forward and I don't want to sugar coat it for you because it sets you up for disappointment.  Considering the diagnosis options he put forward you are going to need those tools from the lessons  At the very least it'll help you come to a decision.

Reading and getting your head around this stuff isn't easy.  It does get easier. 

Have you thought about (maybe you have already) posting on the staying board about the visit and where to next?  I'm guessing here ... .you may have questions and concerns rolling around in your head - good to get that stuff out for some of the senior members to help with and take a whack at.

Just wanted to mention I would be uncomfortable with this too.  And I remember these well.

Tread carefully on this - sometimes these conversations where the person OS looking for you to say "No you aren't crazy" have longterm ramifications.  It can get twisted up real fast.  Either looking for an out or an excuse.  Denial is a self protective thing. 

Check out how to validate her feelings properly while not validating the invalid.  There's a workshop for it thru the staying board lessons.