BPDFamily.com

He (uBPDh) refuses to treat my daughter for her sports induced asthma = he won't give her the doctor prescribed inhaler before soccer which happens during his parenting time.

And he left one of our cats locked in "his room" (we are sharing the house - moving in and out so the kids stay in the same place)

I really hate all this co-parenting because his illness is getting worse as the divorce proceeds - and I know that he will somehow twist all of this around to be my fault.

I am so tired and just want to protect my children from him and the courts won't let me.

How old is your daughter?

D8  and she was taught to obey so she won't disobey uBPDh

Has she had an asthma attack due to her not taking a puff pre-soccer game/practice?

How responsible is she?

Can she put an inhaler in her bag?

He wont let her use it because he doesn't believe she needs it.

What happens when she doesn't use it?

She wheezes and can't catch her breath - which is doing damage to her lungs.

Here's the thing, it's not so black and white when it comes to this stuff.

It's the way that my ex-husband does not put sunscreen on my youngest because according to him he is half hispanic and doesn't need it. He is also half of me who is Scandanavian with a history of skin cancer in my family.  I can fight him on it, summons doctors and the like to prove my rightness. Or I can figure out some other kind of way. Where we agree to disagree - but my son still gets sunscreen.

I tend to be a solution oriented person.

Your first solution - get the courts to give you full custody so you don't have to deal with this. That was a no go (correct?).  

So we need to find an alternate solution to get your daughter taken care of here.

Some solutions off the top of my head:

1.) Talk to the ex using the communication skills offered here like the DEARMAN technique (https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=160566.0)

2.) Schedule an appointment with the Dr. with her dad present - maybe he's just not taking your word for it. The ex listens to Dr's a lot better then me (and vice versa).

3.) Get a doctors note stating it's importance - email him a copy and CC-ing key professionals (his attorney, yours, the GAL)

4.) Go to the practices/games with the inhaler

Any of those work? Any other solutions you can think of?

-DreamGirl

Thanks for your ideas - he has started to let her use it

Just getting used to the fact that everything is still going to be a process with him struggling for control.

Awesome!  |iiii


I hear you. Practice and time help in this.

In my experience, the kids learn to be their own champions a lot of times in this. As they get older, their voices tend to become louder and that is so helpful in them learning to get their own needs met.