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Relationship Partner with BPD (Straight and LGBT+) => Romantic Relationship | Conflicted About Continuing, Divorcing/Custody, Co-parenting => Topic started by: Mcgddss on October 15, 2013, 08:56:57 AM



Title: uBPDh refuses to treat my daughter for her sports induced asthma
Post by: Mcgddss on October 15, 2013, 08:56:57 AM
He (uBPDh) refuses to treat my daughter for her sports induced asthma = he won't give her the doctor prescribed inhaler before soccer which happens during his parenting time.

And he left one of our cats locked in "his room" (we are sharing the house - moving in and out so the kids stay in the same place)

I really hate all this co-parenting because his illness is getting worse as the divorce proceeds - and I know that he will somehow twist all of this around to be my fault.

I am so tired and just want to protect my children from him and the courts won't let me.



Title: Re: This stinks - needing to vent
Post by: DreamGirl on October 15, 2013, 09:51:06 AM
How old is your daughter?


Title: Re: This stinks - needing to vent
Post by: Mcgddss on October 15, 2013, 01:21:02 PM
D8  and she was taught to obey so she won't disobey uBPDh


Title: Re: This stinks - needing to vent
Post by: DreamGirl on October 15, 2013, 02:23:15 PM
Has she had an asthma attack due to her not taking a puff pre-soccer game/practice?

How responsible is she?

Can she put an inhaler in her bag?



Title: Re: This stinks - needing to vent
Post by: Mcgddss on October 16, 2013, 08:07:09 AM
He wont let her use it because he doesn't believe she needs it.


Title: Re: This stinks - needing to vent
Post by: DreamGirl on October 16, 2013, 09:42:48 AM
He wont let her use it because he doesn't believe she needs it.

What happens when she doesn't use it?


Title: Re: This stinks - needing to vent
Post by: Mcgddss on October 16, 2013, 09:47:26 AM
She wheezes and can't catch her breath - which is doing damage to her lungs.


Title: Re: This stinks - needing to vent
Post by: DreamGirl on October 16, 2013, 10:30:43 AM
She wheezes and can't catch her breath - which is doing damage to her lungs.

Here's the thing, it's not so black and white when it comes to this stuff.

It's the way that my ex-husband does not put sunscreen on my youngest because according to him he is half hispanic and doesn't need it. He is also half of me who is Scandanavian with a history of skin cancer in my family.  I can fight him on it, summons doctors and the like to prove my rightness. Or I can figure out some other kind of way. Where we agree to disagree - but my son still gets sunscreen.

I tend to be a solution oriented person.

Your first solution - get the courts to give you full custody so you don't have to deal with this. That was a no go (correct?).  

So we need to find an alternate solution to get your daughter taken care of here.

Some solutions off the top of my head:

1.) Talk to the ex using the communication skills offered here like the DEARMAN technique (https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=160566.0)

2.) Schedule an appointment with the Dr. with her dad present - maybe he's just not taking your word for it. The ex listens to Dr's a lot better then me (and vice versa).

3.) Get a doctors note stating it's importance - email him a copy and CC-ing key professionals (his attorney, yours, the GAL)

4.) Go to the practices/games with the inhaler

Any of those work? Any other solutions you can think of?

-DreamGirl


Title: Re: uBPDh refuses to treat my daughter for her sports induced asthma
Post by: Mcgddss on October 30, 2013, 01:10:42 PM
Thanks for your ideas - he has started to let her use it

Just getting used to the fact that everything is still going to be a process with him struggling for control.


Title: Re: uBPDh refuses to treat my daughter for her sports induced asthma
Post by: DreamGirl on October 30, 2013, 01:30:01 PM
Thanks for your ideas - he has started to let her use it

Awesome!  |iiii

Just getting used to the fact that everything is still going to be a process with him struggling for control.

I hear you. Practice and time help in this.

In my experience, the kids learn to be their own champions a lot of times in this. As they get older, their voices tend to become louder and that is so helpful in them learning to get their own needs met.