BPDFamily.com

They will no doubt demonize you, hate you, or feel indifferent, behind their disorder they may very well still love you and want you back.

After a year long relationship that had more good than bad, she decided to cut me off 'forever' as she said.

Do you think that they feel the same about the good times as we do?

As with everyone of my previous relationship endings, my non BPD exs always contacted me after the breakup, for various reasons. Some wanting to get back together others just to see how I was.

I didn't feel comfortable with that. I would have rather they had stayed away and its with that I hope never to hear from my BPD ex again.

I would be thinking in terms of a non BPD wanting to fix things rather than someone who is mentally ill.

This has always been the hardest thing for me. Thinking my exuBPDgf forgot me. I just would of hoped after the love I showed and things I did for her it would of left a positive dent in her heart... .

Not the case with BPD unfortunately... .

Well I think it's hard to generalize.

Maybe my ex secretly misses me but maybe she is just over it and doesn't care about me anymore.

How would I know?

But what's more important is that we truly forget them, because nothing good comes from a relationship with them.

Dansure: A lot of wisdom in a few words. 

LT

MY BPDx would always talk about her exes so I am sure she still thinks about me.  Problem is how they look at it. For example, she cheated on her live in boyfriend with me, then left HIM for ME and she still talks smack about how he doesn't even care about her to call and see how she is doing. I'm like "but you left HIM - why should he care?" They just don't get it. 

she still talks smack about how he doesn't even care about her to call and see how she is doing. I'm like "but you left HIM - why should he care?" They just don't get it.

thats priceless. LOL but it is so true. Thye dont get it with anything.

Mine broke up with me, went NC herself, told me she didnt want to talk to me anymore. I said ok. stopped reaching out for her. She got sick during thsi time period, when we recycled she told me that was terrible and didnt love her becuase I didnt check on her when she was sick. i said how was i supposed to know we live in diffrent states. plus she said no more contact, im not going to harrass her. She said you could have called my friends and checked on me if you really wanted to know. I was just floored, who thinks like that. Oh yeah a BPD person.

I am going to disagree slightly with this comment.  I started seeing a T after my relationship with my ex imploded.  She took me to rock bottom with the boozing, raging and overall mental anguish and I discovered that I have work to do on myself.  I had never even considered seeing a T after a 20 year reltionship ended prior to my dating my BPD ex.  There is always some good that comes from each of our relationships.  

Dear Blade,

     A thoughtful comment, certainly.  I felt much the same way until "Charred" wrote something to the effect that being grateful for what the pwBPD did to you was like expecting the Japanese to thank the US for the atomic bombing because the country did very well post war.  I know it's a little non-pc, but it's true to some degree.  You got better because of what you did, not what was done to you.  I don't thank my pwBPD for helping me; helping me wasn't her goal.  If I thank anyone other than myself for helping me it would be this site.  Just another opinion, I guess.

LT

My uBPDexgf would ALWAYS talk about her ex boyfriends, especially one she dated for 8 years and I believe contributed to her BPD and inability to have a healthy relationship post highschool/college. I left and she rebounded a week later with someone who I know she was prepping while our relationship started getting rocky. Although I hate to admit it, I wondered to myself the other day if she talks about me to him the same way she talked about the others to me. I wonder if she's talking bad about me even though the one thing she never really did was talk bad about the exes as if she needed to maintain some degree of respect for them because her choices in men would ultimately reflect on her. I always thought that was interesting.

Yes, exactly that happened to me as well! My exBPDgf left her boyfriend for another guy. Then her ex-boyfriend dates some other girls. To me that sounded perfectly normal since it was SHE who had left HIM. Anyway, she felt so hurt and betrayed because he was dating other girls. She had never been so hurt in her entire life, she told me. Isn't that strange?

I'm going to agree with Blade99d on this. As bad as the relationship was/ended. I have to say for myself that it was a blessing in disguise. She for one she left  . It also exposed my core issues and I did a lot of hard work with my T due to my ex uBPDw. Having said that, I now know what my issues were in the relationship with her. These same core issues were there long before my ex uBPDw. With work, I can be better in the next relationships and not fall in the same toxic trap.

In bold.

Their behavior does not change.

Dont let her saying that... .

Make you think... .

That she will not try and re engage you.

And if they do it once... .

And you let them back in... .

They will try again.

It all goes back... .

To the pattern of behavior.

She hasnt forgotten about you... .

She only remembers... .

In transitory moments.

That is the problem.

She remembers... .

From point A... .

To point B... .

The good things.

And once triggered... .

That remembrance... .

Disappears.

An endless cycle of that.

Keep her away my friend.

Hang in there.