BPDFamily.com

My BPD wife and I's divorce is almost final and yet she is still not complying to the child visitation agreement we both signed and agreed to. My situation is getting more painful and bizarre by the day. In the latest round of the twilight zone my wife keeps alienating my daughters from me making it very difficult for me to see my youngest daughter and my oldest daughter who is a junior at a Christian college majoring in journalism posted on her Facebook page that I am a psychopath, that I tried to rewire the house and burn the house down! This accusation is not only false with not a shred of truth to it but my college educated daughter who I had a good relationship with would say something so slanderous about her father. I don't understand and am completely at a loss on how to your respond to such bizarre accusations. I know my wife is behind this latest pack of lies but I don't understand how my daughter would actually believe it. I don't know what I am asking except I guess any advice, encouragement, etc.

Thanks in advance

Divorce Poison by Richard Warshak -- excellent book about parental alienation. Highly recommended.

I always recommend Power of Validation too, which is the key to helping your kids know what their truth is. A lot of kids with BPD parents hear lies for so long, including doubting how they feel about things, that reality is easily warped. Your daughter may have fleas   my-issues  --what people here refer to as learned behaviors that we pick up when we're around BPD for long periods of time.

About your younger daughter -- you need to document that your is not complying with the order. And then file a motion for contempt. Start documenting what's happening, and be prepared to file a bunch of these motions. It's pretty common for pwBPD to not comply with the very thing they agreed to. Motions for contempt are kinda like parking tickets in family court -- in other courts, a person might go to jail for not complying. In family court, it seems like you have to be in contempt many times before the court sees there is a pattern.

Document everything -- try to get her non-compliance in an email. So if she does not bring your daughter at the arranged time, email her in very concise, professional, business-like terms. "It is 10:30am on Saturday. Per our order, you were to bring D to my house at 10am. When do you plan to bring her?"

Create a paper trail that you can share with your L. Even if your ex does not respond, that's a response.

One of the things that makes me bang my head on my desk is how my BPH can manipulate the kids.  On the bright side my middle daughter and my son  saw through his lies and manipulation.  On the dark side, he hasn't spoken to my middle daughter since she finally stood up to him.  I had just had a hip replacement and was sleeping on the couch.  He work me up screaming that I didn't clean the house when I was 3 days post op and she asked him to leave me alone.  That was all it took for him to now call her the most disgusting names any parent would use against their worst enemy, let alone their own flesh and blood.  Give the kids reading material, help them understand the disorder, they will see the light.  Hugs

If you're approaching the end of the divorce, you may be experiencing her, "extinction burst."  The pending end to this process, both the marriage and the divorce, is a trigger for her.  when it is no longer there, there is one less way that she is "linked" to you.  So her bad behavior activity is spiking at the end.  This is my understanidng of the term and I have validated through my own experience.