BPDFamily.com

its been 3 months since the break up woth my exBPDgf. about 6 weeks since we had sex, about two since her last attmept to reach me and Ignored. Im doing really well. Got my house back organized. started working some part time work to save up some money and pay off some bills. Im general only think of her a few times a day which is nice from it was on my mind 24/7.

I met this girl last week. She was real nice. She is a lot yonger then me. Im in my mid 40's but always told I look late 30's anyway. We have been texting alot and we have met a few times. But something is making me feel like she might have BPD which to me sounds likes it crazy and my imagination. BUt I dont know surely I havent found another one. I like this girl but I will not go through this ever again.

signs

told me she doesnt think she is good enough for me and has never felt good enough for anyone. She is very pretty girl and has a wonderful personality.

one minute acts like she cant get enough of me, tells me she is missing me and then the  next day acts like I stole from her.

rapid mood changes

any kind of affection causes her embarresment.

sometime will text me something and then when I repsond I get nc for for hours and hours.

is it starting to sound like I have stumbled in another BPD? or am i just paranoid?

Sounds like you already know the answer. 

Listen to your gut instinct. 

I'm here because I didn't listen to mine the first go round.

Spend time figuring out what is broken in you and why. Then work on healing it.

Broken nons are blood in the water to pwBPD. They perceive our weaknesses, they draw us in... .you know the drill, right?

She might not have BPD but sounds like a bit crazy... .although everybody is kinda crazy in their own way. Crazy as in we all do something that other people don't understand.

You're only known her for a week. You dig her as possible girlfriend material?

I totally get the paranoia, paying extra close attention to everything someone does, trying to put it in the BPD box, one foot out the door, trying to avoid that pain again.  I get it.  And I think the most important thing we can do is work on ourselves, develop great boundaries, and take that out into the world.  Die hard BPD's won't be interested, and even if someone exhibits traits, our boundary preservation and sense of self will protect us and allow us to listen to our gut with clear ears.

That said, my experience with folks in their twenties is they're sometimes all over the map emotionally, I know I was, far from finding my way still, and navigating the waters of a new romantic situation can be dicey for both people, especially those of us who went through enough trauma to land us on these boards.  My recommendation is to stay away from text, lots can be misconstrued when we're only seeing the words, and it can provide too much safety, hiding behind them smartphones.  I say meeting in person is by far the best, talking on the phone OK, not great, and texting, Facebook or email a distant third.  By spending time together in person you can continue your BPD 'diagnosis' better as you get to know each other.  And listen to your gut.

learning_curve74, way to early fro my last relationship to look at it like that an dwhayto early to look at her that way. She is nice so far and I like her. But there is just something not adding up. I wonder if Ive been burned so bad by BPD ex that now Im paranoid about everyone. Slightest bit of wieredness and I start suspecting BPD. Ive never been in a BPD relationship but this one. I never never want that again.

Mitchell... .

Red alert.

Red alert.

Red alert.

Disengage.

PwBPD has been detected.

Future pain is inbound.

Waves of missiles.

All directed at you.

If you are already getting those feelings... .

Do not ignore it.

Complacency... .

Will end up hurting you.

Retreat.

You need to heal from your last encounter... .

My friend.

We are here for you.

its only been 3 mos since the last breakup with your ex... .

I think you need more time for yourself, to learn from the last relationship.

And yes, huge red flags waving everywhere red-flag with this new gal.

thats what I thought. BUt since my encounter with BPD I no longer trust my own instincts. I was so fooled by her that Im determined not to let ever happen again, that Im afraid I have swung the complete opposite direction. No im not looking for a relationship but after spending 3 months by myself I am getting lonely. All of my friends are married adn hang with married couples and most of family do the same. So I dont have alot of people to hang with. So Im trying to branch out and meet new people. This was not the first I lady I dated but she is the first with huge red flags the are signaling BPD to me.

first week extreme dealizing. " i make her so excited" " I am the type of man she could fall in love with and get hurt, she has been hurt before"

text around the clock and then just silence

stated she never had a mother growing up.

afraid of men.

always says she is not good enough for me and other men

got rid of her last boyfreind because he smothered her but then got him back a few months later. (not just a BPD thing ) but a red flag.

Im not looking for a relationship but am ready to start making new friends and hoefully lead to something somewhere.