BPDFamily.com

MY BPDSO stays with me from time to time. She's been staying with me a lot. She hasn't left in the last month and a half or so. I fear she is becoming completely dependent on me. I don't think I can handle taking care of her forever. How do I go about kicking her out when she has nowhere to go? Her parents kicked her out, she has no job and claims she has no friends who can take her in.

But I don't feel happy with her around. I've been fantasizing about breaking up with her for months now, but I can never do it. I'm just waiting until the next big argument to kick her out but that could be a while as she's been withdrawing and chatting with people all day. I don't see a future with her (I want kids, she doesn't, that in itself is reason enough to break it off with someone.)

How do I go about kicking her out? She has a bunch of stuff in my apartment, some of it pretty big. I don't want any of her things, I just don't feel like I want her around anymore. I feel like I'd rather be alone for a while. The good times are few and far in-between. Also about two weeks ago she actually started hitting me because I told her that if she does try hurting herself I might have to call the cops. She screamed "YOU PROMISED YOU':) NEVER DO THAT!" and I said "Well you broke promises too." So she started hitting me. It didn't hurt and I restrained her until she was too tired to keep fighting, but... .I felt wrong. Even though I didn't actually hit her back, I still feel guilty, I feel like some kind of wife-beating abuser. I'm stronger than her and I squeezed her wrists hard when she was struggling. When I let her go, she just kept hitting. So I restrained her until she totally ran out of steam. Got her water, sat her upright, but this tantrum was too much. I feel like I'm some sort of monster when I look back at it.

Regarding breaking up with her and her moving out:

-Tell her it's over and ask her to find another place to live.  Give her a schedule.  Say 2 weeks?  A month?  Whatever you think is reasonable.

-Have a backup plan.  After a month and a half, she might be considered legally your "tenant at will" which would give her legal rights as a resident there.  You might want to check into landlord/tenant law in your jurisdiction to see exactly what your and her rights are in this regard.

If she won't leave, you'd probably have to file for an eviction against her to keep yourself protected.  Also look into abandoned property laws in your jurisdiction.  I have old property from an old basement renter that she still hasn't picked up 8 months after she left.  Some of it I've thrown out now, some of it, like the mini-fridge now houses cold snacks in my bedroom to keep them safe from the gremlins (I mean kids!  :)), but I researched the laws and saw what the requirements for it to become legally abandoned property before I did anything with it.

If she gets violent again, leave.  Don't stay in the situation.  Sucks to have flee your own home, but it's better than staying, having things escalate, having the cops show up, and end up needing to defend yourself in a DV case.  If you can leave, then find a cop to report it to away from the situation (where she can't lie, etc.), and document it, that can be grounds for an exparte TPO to make her leave as soon as she's served, and it can support an eviction as well.

The BPD likes to portray themselves as helpless (especially in the idealization stage) but they are survivors. They survived before you and will long after you.  Super resourceful and manipulative people.  She will be fine.

If you fantasize about leaving her (trust me, I sure did) then your gut is telling you something is wrong.

I don't own the house, I rent an apartment. My name is the only one on the lease, she is still registered as living with her parents. Also I doubt she will make it into a legal issue if it comes to that. But you have a point.

Doubting she will make it a legal issue is making the same mistake I made. YOU might think to make it a legal issue before SHE does. Protect yourself - just in case as you never know. And it costs you nothing.