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Title: Fear of change? Post by: Iwilldecide on October 20, 2013, 11:26:13 PM My BPD boyfriend and I have been together for a year now. We met when we were both married and I'm now divorced and his divorce is in process. It's a long story but he being bp moves at a turtles pace and I just wonder if he will ever be able to actually cut the cord? Moving out has been difficult for him. He's very attached to his home and to his lifestyle. I find with him that when I push for anything he tends to do the opposite so getting my way requirese me to be calm and still and unquestioning but I guess I'm wondering if he will actually be able to do it and make change in his life and go through with this divorce. He's never lived alone and so although he wants to he can't just Jump to my house without dating me for 8 months unmarried as I have children. Any thoughts on BPDs making change in their life? I can see his executive decision making tends to lead him in the wrong direction though I know he loves me desperately and wants to be with me.
Title: Re: Fear of change? Post by: Surnia on October 21, 2013, 01:00:23 PM I think you are on to something here about the ability to make changes or not.
I read recently the book "Stop caretaking the BPD and the NPD" (more about it here (https://bpdfamily.com/book-reviews/stop-caretaking-borderline-or-narcissist)) and there is chapter about changes. The author advices to announce changes very early and repeat it often... . It was a light bulb for me. It is exactly what my exh needed. Even little things (in my eyes) were causing a lot of stress for him when not announced very early. |