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I'm still loitering around here.

Today is day 7 of NC. I just finished a book that she recommended me a while ago. It's got me thinking about her.

Just having one of those days.

Sigh.

Hugs.   

Hang in there, Eric1. 

What things are you doing for yourself today?

I'm at work, which is the worst time for me really. I'm texting a friend instead of her, planning on going to the gym... .again... .later. I've bought another book, too. That's the 4th book i've read in 4 weeks.

I just want to tell her she was right about the book. It's a pretty bad excuse to contact.

Yes it is, bad excuse. :) Very bad.

Hang in there.  It is not in the nature of most of us to be mean or spiteful (despite what our BPD others may say).  What you are feeling is perfectly normal emotion, and wanting to share is natural.  The problem is that what you are sharing is of little or no interest to the person you are wanting to share with, because it does not involve them.

As much as I want to contact, i can't.

I said we can't have anyform of contact, so I would look a bit daft going back on what I said.

that's a perfectly excellent reason.

get rid of that book she recommended. remove from your abode anything that strongly reminds you of her. i've given away almost all of my stbxw's gifts, i've put new stuff on the walls, i've developed a different routine. it takes time though. you're not loitering here, this is your 24/7 support group. use as needed.

Good for you, Eric1.  |iiii.

Right now maybe the most important part of "moving on" is to just keep moving. Thanks for the reminder about hitting the gym, I needed that!

Sometimes I just wish I could throw my phone away.

There's no point in changing numbers because I remember hers off by heart and I can't block her number.

I know I'm gonna crack sooner or later!

Argh!

I shouldn't, but I feel bad because the last time I spoke to her, after telling her that we can't speak... .I said its probably for the best she doesn't come to MY rugby clubs Halloween party.

Don't know why I'm feeling like that now, but I do.

It's okay... .what you said is probably for the best for you and her too.

Sometimes things get worse before they get better, sometimes we take a step backwards when we're trying to move forward. That's life. Hang in there, Eric1. 

I'm feeling better, really looking forward to the weekend. It's day 10 of NC.

Sometimes i want to reach out, more so as a 'Hello, i'm here, don't forget me'. Bad reason, i know.

Eric, fight it.  I am 6 weeks of NC today and I can guarantee the response she will give you if you contact her.

For the BPD it is not about love.  She wants to know she still has you emotionally.  Contacting her will let her have that ego fix and she will not respect you for it.

Spend this time working on yourself.  That is the purpose of NC.  You WILL heal and you WILL find someone better who will make you completely happy.

That's exactly what I needed to hear!

Are you doing okay today? Hope so.