BPDFamily.com

Please just send some positive thoughts our way.  We have such a negative advocate with our GAL... .yesterday we got notice of a motion to confer; that is, the judge will talk with the boys next week about where they want to live.  Of course, this weekend, they come home from their mom's with a bunch of new clothes, promises of lessons, etc.  For the past year they have told the counselor that they want to stay here, but the judge is not hearing the evidence for the trial yet; just going to talk with the boys.  The trial date is not even set yet so it is at least months away!

The GAL is sure that the boys are dying to move because that is what BPD mom is telling him, and he, in the past year, has not even bothered to speak with the boys' counselor. 

We told the counselor about the motion to confer, and she is very concerned about the boys being put in the middle like that--she doesn't think it is good for them.  NO KIDDING.  BPD mom doesn't care, though.  It's a game, and the kids are pawns.

Do they want to live with mom?

Sending some positive thoughts for you! Gearing up for all of this myself. It's so hard when the kids are put in the middle and they have so little understanding if what is actually at stake for them.

Hopefully in my case the judge and the custody investigator will give wait to a text BPD mom sent my fiance stating that if S9 was going to stab her in the back by saying he wants to live with us then maybe he doesn't need to play baseball anymore.

Their counselor says that they have not wanted to live with mom at all.  When their counselor found out about the "motion to confer", she was very upset.  The GAL has NEVER checked in with her, and he has had her contact information for over a year.

The reunification therapist contacted the GAL, too, and told him it was too early since she has only had ONE session with DSD. 

The GAL doesn't care--he is rushing this for BPD mom.  She wants it.  I don't even think she necessarily believes that the boys want to live with her.  It feels like she is just messing with DH.

Saying that, our attorney spoke with the boys' counselor and wrote the GAL a letter letting him know that she feels like the boys are being manipulated, and she is upset that he is doing this and has yet to speak with her.  The GAL is continuing anyway, but the attorney says at least we have evidence showing that he has been asked by TWO therapists not to do it yet, but he is doing it anyway.

I would think that the Judge would ask informed questions that go beyond just "who do you want to live with?"

Possibly a series of questions guaged to figure out how the child feels.

The courts usually are more prone to prolong the process, not expedite it. In my own custody dispute, the other side was granted more time at least a half a dozen times.

If you object to it with a valid reason (like a counselor doesn't think it's a good idea yet), I would think that a Judge would err on the side of caution.

Again, who knows in these things. It's tough to leave it in the hands of a Judge. I've been there.

I am not as worried about this anymore.  First, the GAL knows that the boys don't want to move, and he made it clear to the boys' therapist that this would just be some basic questions.  He alluded that the main reason is for DSD.  I can only guess from the legal paperwork ramblings (when BPD mom was pro se) that she wants DSD to tell the judge that she wants the option of visitation.  BPD mom has told the GAL that DSD is uncomfortable when she is with us (which is so untrue it is unreal). 

I figure EVEN IF DSD tells the judge that because she feels coerced by BPD mom, he will see through it.  The last order was for "reunification therapy" and they have only had one session.

So I guess this is just another something to get us worried, and it worked for 36 hours.  Fortunately, the duration of anxiety after these moves keeps getting shorter and shorter.  This one was a bit worse because she manipulated and coached the kids last time, and that is why the GAL changed custody suddenly, so I was worried that we were back at it again. 

However, the judge is way smarter than our GAL (I don't think that is saying much, though).

Just a quick update... .not sure what is going to happen here.  First, the GAL had to postpone this motion to this week due to a personal emergency.  The court appointed family therapist is VERY MUCH against this happening and spoke with the GAL to ask him to reset it.  He refused (even the family therapist made a side comment about how the GAL seems to be representing BPD mom).  Friday after 5, the family therapist wrote a very detailed email to ALL professionals about how this motion to confer is detrimental to the children, not in their best interest, emotionally abusive, the kids are being manipulated, etc. etc. etc.  She also detailed how BPD mom has not been cooperative with the court ordered therapy at all and is trying to dictate to the family therapist how to run the sessions.

So I am wondering if the GAL will continue to push BPD mom's agenda, setting himself up to show that he is not acting in the children's best interests (seriously, our entire case has been in the best interest of BPD mom, not the kids) now that it is in WRITING for all lawyers and therapists on the case to see that the family therapist STRONGLY DISAGREES with his decision.

The family therapist is an expert in high conflict cases... she warned DH that it is going to get worse before it gets better (now we think she was planning this email bomb all along).

When I was in court, we all knew the GAL for our 11yo had stated there were parenting issues with ex.  Both us parents testified and were cross-examined.  When ex was disagreeing with the events of GAL's previous visit, GAL asked, "Ms FD, do you have memory problems?"  This was a total reversal from my custody case back in 2009-2011 where GAL believed me getting custody and other aspects such as parenting time staying equal would resolve the problems.  Back then alimony had just ended and I heard, 'maybe she'll be be more stable if parenting time stays the same and she can get child support'.  Um, no, there were still the periodic problems.

Ex's lawyer had filed for our child to be interviewed in camera and it was granted.  I thought he was a little young but he's not the same boy he was, even from last year.  Back in 2010, as soon as my ex learned that a GAL had been assigned, she had primed son to say, starting the next return from visitation, he wanted "50% time".  Before, he had always asked me for more time.  He started being more subtle about it after that.  One way was to say the next weekend was with me when he knew it was ex's weekend coming up.  He would ask for extra days with me here and there.  But the last few months it wasn't that way, I think one major shift was the start of the school year, ex didn't want him to ride the bus home even on my days and be alone for a few hours until I got home from work.  I won and I think that gave him a little courage to stand up for himself even if it was only telling her "I don't want to be in the middle."

I recall commenting here in the past that your GAL had an opportunity to reverse prior conclusions by stating that with more time and information he had basis to reverse what had been stated earlier.  If GAL is still going down the same path, then the GAL could (1) go full steam ahead, (2) lose (a little) credibility or (3) finally agree with T's observations (GALs are often lawyers not therapists or counselors).

Something's got to give.

Well, this morning the GAL talked with DH's attorney and said that the meeting with the judge was canceled, and he would reset it for later this month.  I almost think that second part about rescheduling was just to save face as DH's attorney has been telling the GAL that the interview with the judge was a bad idea, especially when the court ordered therapy had barely started.  

The GAL sent an email to DH and to BPD mom that the meeting was cancelled.  He didn't mention rescheduling it.

Of course, he never gave DH's attorney a reason behind the cancellation, but I am sure it is because he was going to have a hard time defending himself against the family therapist's STRONG recommendation against it.

I bet they were hoping to get her off the case, too, but they may see that is going to be a losing battle.  FD, he may come around eventually, but he is so into BPD mom's stories and so blind when it comes to her, I am just not sure.  He is going to have quite a fight with this family therapist--she is very well respected by the courts in dealing with high conflict cases, and she and the judge go way back.

It feels like a new sheriff is in town and the GAL needs to just step aside because he doesn't know what he is doing.