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A marriage counselor that my dBPDw and myself went to about 8 sessions this summer- who at the last session said "I don't see much help I can give your marriage.  He said that after he asked my wife about my attempts at repair and if she could acknowledge those attempts and my wife said no that my husband didn't do it correctly.  The therapist then said well you are more than welcome to come back to help improve your marriage or help with specific arguments BUT if you don't want to continue this marriage I can help you with your divorce also.  It will be a lot cheaper than going through an attorney.   

Wife set up appointment.  I am not sure why she set it up- and I am afraid to ask as it may derail the opportunity to see the counselor together.  If you read earlier posts- my wife stopped talking to me about 9 weeks ago.  She said I was to stop all communication with my family when she is not in the room.  I can only talk to them when she is there.  I said I would not do that and it has been horrible at home since with further escalations.  That was the first time in 15 years I have enforced a boundary of this magnitude. 

So not sure what to expect.  Did she set up to help with the divorce and negotiate parental custody?  Or is she wanting to work on marriage.  Has anyone gone to a marriage therapist with spouse to work through the divorce details. 

Thanks for any help can give or things I should be aware of or to look out for.    I hope she says I want to work on the marriage.  But everything she has told me and our kids up to now that she is going to divorce me as soon as the birth of our new child in December. 

 

Your best bet would be to call the therapist and speak directly.  Ask what he/she meant by the "also help you with the divorce"?

In the context presented, my hunch is therapist meant... .working out some details about the divorce in terms of prepping ground work for considerations of contributions and settlement agreement outlines while working thru the separation process with less animosity than going the route of adversarial attorneys.

I also emphatize and feel for you, as it seems she's coming from the ubercontrol self-centered place which makes it so hard on us.

Seeker of Truth,

Thank you for the insight.  Yes I agree, I think it probably is to get to some agreement on the details of everything.  Yes I am sad about this all and it is difficult.