BPDFamily.com

     Hi, It wasn't until finally diagnosing my daughter that I realized my ex has BPD as well as many other things. I took me forever to break free of him. But now I am newly married and my daughter, 21 - a very young 21 - surely has this. I suspect my stress level with her contributed to my breast cancer this past year. And still the focus is always on her, even through my chemo, as I fight to be strong.

     My mom was suicidal when I grew up so I am especially sensitive to her depressions and overwhelmed by her rages and yet she is so beautiful and practical when in a good mood. But my focus on her has been hurtful to my relationship since we began dating when she was 14 - she was fine until then, a jock, hen got injured and had lots of surgeries and has been struggling ever since. She sees a shrink but only once a month to get adderal and xanax , for her ADD and anxiety. She won't take an antidepressent, had panic attacks when it came to going to college - I waited for her to graduate to marry and moved, but she wasn't ready and had to live in a studio apartment nearby-  then she had her first real boyfriend, had legal and medical issues and they got a pitbull and finally broke up and now she has the dog,  whom she adores - but can't afford and makes it tough to find a place to live and she can't live with me or support herself. She has constant drama, serious illnesses, major identity and abandonment issues (has refused to see her dad in 8 years - he also has ptsd and depression anyway, but still), her sister moved away for college and is (glad to be away from her and) doing well in her first job. Her friends went off to college, so she is lonely and too much time dependent on me.

    She hated school, tried culinary , but hated it, but gets depressed about doing nothing, works retail and is great at it, but it's a weird company, she doesn't always get paid and now she has another orthopedic surgery coming up from a bad fall so I have to take her to doctors appointments and Physical Therapy almost daily and take a xanax of my own (much lower dose than hers lol) to not get sucked into any bad mood.

    My husband never had kids and doesn't understand how awful she behaved when she was here after her first surgery, but she needs so many meds that she is at risk of overdosing, so needs supervision after. Hoping when she is better she can find an apartment that takes dogs that is safe and can start helping to support herself... .and she needs a car (her sister wrecked hers when visiting) so when she is able to drive again I will be more free but worry about drink driving, etc.

    The family Guide to BPD has SO helped how to handle her day to day, I am very organized and a planner, and wish she had a goal for the future , but she is so in the moment and reactionary... .I feel bad for her, have probably spoiled her, but hate conflict and am so sick of worrying. I hope she can move on and gain confidence and grow out of this... but she refuses therapy.

TMI, right?

Hello mermom, 

Welcome to this site! First and foremost - I wish you a smooth recovery from your illness. It must be very stressful to go through that AND to care for your daughter. Also to balance that and your relationship to your husband... .You have a lot on your plate.

I am glad you have found us, this is a good place to share and find helpful resources (articles, workshops, videos). There are lots of parents here with BPD children - adolescent and adult. They will understand the difficulties and struggles you go through. There are no easy answers, but there's hope.

Welcome again! We are here to support you.

mermom,

*welcome*.  I would like to join pessi-optimist in welcoming you to the board.  Wow, you really have a lot going on.  I am sorry to hear about your illness, and wish you full recovery. 

I can understand how you are so overwhelmed.

Perhaps, you may want to visit us on the Parents Board.  There are many of us there that understand what you are going through.  There is so much support here. 

I am sorry that you need to be here, but I am glad that you found us! 

Hello mermom,

Happy to have you here and so sorry to learn about all that you are coping with.  As you have discovered, taking care of self must be your first priority so that you can continue to be there for your daughter.

Beginning at the beginning... .educating yourself on the disorder so that you can better understand what's causing your daughter to act the way she does can help you make choices regarding your responses to her.  Knowledge is power.

Have you watched this video?:

Back from the Edge (https://bpdfamily.blogspot.com/what-is-BPD.html)


Let us know your thoughts about what you see.

We are here to answer any questions you might have and support you through our collective wisdom.

Look forward to hearing back from you.

lbjnltx