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Every single night I worry when I crawl into bed, that something will be seriously wrong with DD in the morning and she "won't be able to go to school"! I don't think its school that is the problem as she claims she loves HS (freshman this year)!  However it seems that she constantly seems to need to have something wrong with her requiring a visit to some sort of medical professional.  Since June we of course have seen her psychiatrist a few times and her therapist weekly.  But we have also been to the pediatrician 3x, our chiropractor twice, the eye doctor, the cosmetic surgeon because she says she cannot breathe through the side of her nose which she broke a couple of years ago, the orthodondist several times because she recently got braces and to Urgent Care 3x for injuries.  Thank God we have good insurance with a very reasonable co-pay and prescription coverage.  DH and I don't want to seem uncaring, but where do you draw the line?  Do you think there is some kind of deep seated emotional need that makes them desire so much medical care, or even babying at home for sickness and/or injuries?  I am always afraid to refuse to take her to the doctor when she has a complaint and says she needs to go because of the "what ifs"!  Anyone go (or have gone) through this?

Thanks!

Hi BioAdoptmom3,

Oh yeah... .many of us have.  There was a recent discussion about this in another member's thread.  https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=208963.0

I think 2 things are most likely going on... .lack of distress tolerance and attention seeking.

There may well be a problem in the moment. The all or nothing/black or white emotional thinking lends itself to the extremes. IE:  a headache can become a brain tumor, pain in the foot is arthritis, constipation is a blocked colon, etc... . 

As in any communication with our kids who suffer w/BPD or traits of the disorder it is important not to minimize their emotions and concerns.  Validate their pain, validate their fears, let them know you hear them and are concerned too.

Communicate to them that you will take their concerns seriously and attend to them in a timely manner. IE:  We need to pay special attention to how your pain levels change over the next few days.  It is important that you stay in your regular routine, reduce your stress level where you can and get plenty of rest so that we can determine the root of the problem and know what kind of help to seek out and what medications may be needed.

Relating to them that you have been through something similar and how it turned out communicates to them that you have heard them and also opens up their minds to the possibility that:  they are going to be ok, that it may not be something severely wrong with them, they are not alone, etc...

When it comes to missing school I understand the fears and frustrations that you are dealing with.  Even though your d proclaims to "love" school at this point, even those things we "love" can be a source of stress.  Balancing the care of the whole person... .and not fucusing solely on academics is important.  IE:  Being in Spanish club is a good things... .the stressors it can put on her time, other academic concerns, lack of rest, etc... .well... .not so good.  It is about finding the balance.

Here's hoping something I wrote helps in some way!


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