BPDFamily.com

Hello.

I found out yesterday from my brother that my uBPD mum has been talking about cutting me out of her will and leaving everything to my brother.  My brother feels terribly guilty about this and told me he would share it all 50/50 with me anyway.  He also told me Mum had just given him a big sum of money to buy a new car, he also felt terribly guilty about this.

I have been almost NC with my uBPD mum for a few months now and the last time i wrote to her I wrote saying I wasn't going to see her this year as I felt very hurt by the things she had recently said and done.

I felt very upset when my bro told me about what uBPD mum has been saying and my immediate reaction was to think this bad relationship we have must be my fault (old thoughts), then I got angry, then I didn't care, and then upset again... .I suppose this rollercoaster is normal when hearing something like this. 

I just wanted to share it here and really just want a hug and someone to tell me I'm not a bad person. :'(

 


It's a manipulative control issue... . I've been in and out of uBPDm's will several times in the last 5 years or so.  I've also come to the conclusion that she will not have anything left that my dad worked his entire life for when she finally kicks it.  It took me A LONG TIME to get to this point, but it's a huge relief to be here.  

Looking back, money has always been a tactic of control and manipulation, and for most of my life it worked!  I have major medical expenses, and it sure would come in handy with that - as well as helping my kids with college.  The stress and roller coaster of dealing with her just isn't worth it.  Support your brother with him dealing with her and work out a compromise with him if that's possible but don't give in to her.  It will only get worse - believe me!

I've had VVLC with my uBPDm all this time, and I'm in such a good place.  I have finally accepted that she is not able to have normal maternal feelings towards me, and that's okay.  I'm sad for all that she's missing and all the destruction she's caused, but I am not responsible one bit for it.  My aunt told her recently that she cannot buy (our) love, and her response was "Oh, yes I can!"  That in a nutshell is who she is, and I'm not about to be involved with such vitriol!  

My Grandfather would threaten my Dad and some of his other children with the same thing and now I feel I face that same threat.  My father uNPD engaged to uBPD currently is disowning my sister and has minimal contact with me and my brother.  It is a way to control and manipulate.  As my husband says "We don't need that dirty love, we are saving for our own retirement."  Hang in there.

Thank you daughterofDD and Moonbeam77.  Your comments have been very helpful :).  Because of what you wrote it is clear that it is just the same manipulation game, this time she has just upped the stakes.  But really nothing is so different.  It feels easier when I think of it like this.  Thank you.

For uBPD mum money has always been a power  issue.  Before her last parent died a few years ago the money manipulations were focused mainly on them.  Now they are not around (and she has the money she had waited for, for such a long time) I suppose it is just a naturally progression for her to focus her money manipulations on my brother and I. 

I have been on the recieving end of the money manipulation before but not to such a great extent and I found it quite shocking.

Anyway, at the end of the day it is the same thing as usual, just a different tactic.

Thank you for your comments, VERY helpful :)