BPDFamily.com

Hi all,   

Im on day 2 of non contact after my ex gf raged on me in public for the last time.   I told her we were now strangers and not to call me, txt me, look at me or touch me ever again.   told her to get help, and goodbye.   She txted an hour ago saying we dont need to be friends, can pretend we dont know each other in public, but still wants us to have sex... .I know she is just trying to lure me back in to the vicious circle.         How long must I ignore her approaches?  Thanks in advance for any advice.   

Mine did the same about sex. Block her if you are ready to move on. It's tough but it is what you need to do.

How long before she stopped trying with you?   Im worried she is going to start stalking me... .

I left more than 2 months ago and he's still talking about sex with me.  But he knows it won't happen.

Sorry to be so blunt  and don't want to minimize how hard this is but

FOR ETERNITY!

Having been through 2 recycles months apart. It is the only way to save yourself and find the right one.

Hi bruised,

Wow -- sorry you're going through this. Sounds rough, and she sounds like someone whose self-awareness is so low that any contact with her is potentially toxic.

As far as your question -- "how long?" -- hate to be vague, but it really varies. In general terms, pwBPD aren't known for their ability to let go -- except, that is, when it's on their terms. And their terms tend to be about as labile as their emotions... .

My break-up was weird, imo. My ex (unmarried, not living together) was getting ready to have serious surgery, and she spazzed out on me after I refused to put up with her juvenile behavior -- told me to leave her alone for the weekend, because she didn't have time for any negative energy in her life, wanted some space and would talk to me the following week. I honored her request and left her alone -- but also decided that I wasn't going to tolerate that kind of treatment any longer, and waited for her to call me back, as she said she would. She didn't -- the surgery date came and went, and I heard nothing from her until about 3 weeks after -- at which point she tried to tell me it was all a misunderstanding, she was on a lot of pain meds, and she really had expected me to be there for the surgery. Too little, too late.

I have not responded to any texts, emails, calls etc. for a month. She still sends me an occasional (annoying) text -- always abusive and negative, making me wonder exactly what her strategy is, if she even has one, b/c I can't see what these notes can achieve except to reinforce to me why I left her. Or maybe she truly has no control over what she sends -- which would almost make sense, because that's how she was during our r-ship with the things she would say -- no matter how upsetting she would be, or how many times I asked her to stop, she never did. It was like she had no control over the filter that kept every single negative thought that formed in her brain from being broadcast verbally. Very maddening.

Hang in there. As you've read on these boards, the only way to prevent yourself from being vulnerable to the madness is to stay out of it -- don't respond in any way. Or, if you decide to, do it knowing that you will basically be resetting the clock, as you'll have to begin the detachment process from the beginning again. 

Personally I think they try to hang on to every past relationship they've ever had for as long as they can. I left my ex-BPDGF (in another state) 1 1/2 months ago & the calls/texts/e-mails just keep coming. I don't answer the phone or answer texts/FB messages/e-mails. I switched phones/numbers so I wouldn't have to see all the stuff but still go into phone for texts/calls from others. I have way to many people to contact with a new number. I do see the first line of her texts & they all have different approaches. First I'm an A** H*** that she never wants to talk to again, next she would give her right arm to just talk for 2 minutes, etc... .We were together 4 1/2 years (app) & all the time we were together she'd keep in contact with ANY ex that would respond! The straw that broke the camels back this last time was she snuck over to her ex's from 4 1/2 years ago. She was texting/calling him again & not trying to hide them. Then the texts were being erased so I couldn't read them. Then she went to his house for 10 minutes & after this she texted/called him often but he seldom responded. I think he now knows better than to climb back into that spider web!   zzz