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A mutual friend informed me tonight that my dBPD ex showed up at her (my friend's) house to drink recently.  She was upset because she and the new "boy toy" had a fight of some sort.  I really have no clue what is going on in my ex's new relationship.  I am No Contact and never ask.  But my friend had to tell me.  My ex discarded me (again) in the midst of a recycle last spring for this guy (that set me back months in my healing).  I am sure she was in paradise because he is 14 years younger, and must have given her a huge ego-boost. 

Was it their first fight?  Will it be their last?  Did they work it out?  I shouldn't  care... .but of course I do.  I guess he annoys her too.  Part of me is glad that there is "trouble in paradise." I long for the day when I will hear something like this and not give a hoot either way.  Not there yet... .   

Fiddle

Fiddle

Move on needs time, so its normal you see the newest development with some very mixed feelings. I like the title you gave the whole situation.

I hope for you that she will not start a recycle attempt with you.

The pattern of behavior... .

Is surfacing in her relationship... .

With that person.

Be on guard... .

Like Surnia said... .

For a re engagement attempt.

Thanks for the concern folks   The last recycle came on the heels of a violent breakup with her previous boyfriend.  She was so sweet to me that I thought she had "seen the light."  However, when she found her current fling I was thrown overboard.  She may try again.  Who knows.  I hope I can resist if she does.  It is a hell of a drug when she affirms me.  But I now have a more clear understanding of the patterns of BPD, so I will be on guard.  Stay tuned, my compassionate friends :)

Fiddle

Fiddlestix, a suggestion, don't ever allow yourself to be the 'back up' plan for anyone. You are worth to be first choice and only choice. Not in the wings in case her other coals in the fire burn out. 

H2O, thanks for those great words!  I never thought of it quite like that.  I am worth more than being a backup plan.  For years I hoped she would get this crap "out of her system."  I guess I was waiting to be "Plan B" for a long time.  I was "Plan A" for years; I was with her far longer than any other man (25 years). 

Maybe I should be given a prize for that alone LOL!

Fiddlestix

25 years is a long long time. You get the prize for patience!

We thought we were Plan A, but in reality we were Plan Bonehead because we put up with the cruddy behaviors and the abuse. Which makes us Plan B. 

Had I known that from the beginning? He would have hit Plan C for hit the Curb. Little late in the day, but Plan C is in action.

Kind of look at it this way.  You got her through 25 years of her life.  Now it is someone else's turn to pick up the burden.