BPDFamily.com

I have a pretty classic uBPD (waif, hermit), who is of course nasty one minute, and frighteningly fragile and helpless the next.  Tonight she is randomly texting me emotionally unstable things about how much she misses her childhood (she was secure), how her sister made her insecure in her teen years that has never gone away, and how much she misses me as a small child because she was truly happy for once.  I've heard all of this before, and it's a victim/poor me unstable ploy for attention.  She's in her "zone" where she is freaking out and crying and it was very, very, very scary for me as a child.  Her way to victimize me and pull me in is through "writing."  It used to be long emails or letters, now it's over text.  My husband warned me to not respond, but I simply said, "I am not a professional and can't help you through these things.  Again I urge you to see a therapist to work through these issues from your past."  To which she changes the subject completely (typical, very typical).  I can't believe I even responded.  But now I'm so emotionally torn up and can't stop staring at my phone waiting for another emotional "bomb" to go off from her.  I used to be terrified by these moods and avoid them like the plague for the horrific feelings they bring back.  Sometimes she'll slip through and get to me, and it's just... .ugh.  How do I stop feeling guilty for not "feeling sorry for her" as she wants everyone to?  HOW do you guys let go?  I normally stay pretty strong and rather heartless when dealing with her.  I have to.  We all kind of have to.  But tonight the old feelings are coming back.

It's no fun to feel like you're the sole source of emotional support for your mother--that can be very frustrating!

The first step is to figure out what you are and what you're not comfortable with, and build some limits and boundaries from there, so when you are on the receiving end of an emotional bomb, you can respond with empathy (which is what your mother is looking for), but stay firm.

Have you had a chance to check out SET (TOOLS: S.E.T. - Support, Empathy and Truth (https://bpdfamily.com/content/ending-conflict)) yet? It's a good way to communicate what is OK for you, but also recognizes the other person's point of view.