BPDFamily.com

Well my friends, my BPDex just texted me. It has been 45 days of NC.

She wrote "How are you?"

Always how she has instituted the recycling in the past.

I did not respond.

I did not even open her text message.

And most importantly, I did not get butterflies in my stomach like I used to in prior recycle attempts.

She has a mental illness. It is called BPD. There is no cure for it.

Hope Always,

Good for you! Getting contact from them and not responding is a sure sign of us valuing our space and our power to validate ourselves.

Are you done with your ex for good?

Spell

I AM.

But she obviously is not. She will only escalate. I am proud of myself for not feeling anxiety. I really had no idea if she would ever contact me, and how I would react.  But the healing and your posts, this board, have helped me be grounded. Thank you all.  This shows my healing with your help is working.

Yes, get ready for "Why don't you answer meeee?" "Boo hoo poor meee!"

If you don't mind, how did you strenghten yourself towards that (normally) not answering someone's calls/messages is a bit childish in itself? I am asking because that is the test I fell again and again 

Hope... .


In bold.

Proud of you my friend.

I know that was not easy at all.

But you held to your wall of NC.

Her texting you... .

Is a part of the pattern of behavior.

She will escalate it.

Stay strong.

We are here with you.

You are right, it IS childish. But I am dealing with someone who has the emotional development of a 5 year old. She is a child mentally in an adult body.  I strengthened myself through distance, through therapy, healing, introspection, and these boards.  I am trying to love who I am.  I realized that the breakup was not the cause of my sadness and withdrawal, my lonely childhood was.

Ironmanfalls-

Never would I think that a faceless friend like you would help me get over the most difficult period of my life. Thank you for your support always.

Hope... .

You have helped me too.

My gratitude in return... .

As always.

Congrats to you!  It's almost like closure.

Hope... .

Her next attempt... .

Will most likely include... .

"You hurt me in such and such manner... ."

The classic projection... .

To illicit a response out of you.

Do not fall for it.

Keep your guard up.

Probably.

In round 2 she would text me once a week random things like "how are you" or "are you still not talking to me" and finally "I am sorry for whatever it was I did that hurt you, I miss you and hope you are well."  Then I contacted her, met with her, only for her to yell at me for all sorts of things, go in a fit of rage, not talk to me for another week, then we got back together for 6 weeks and then broke up. That was 6 weeks ago when we broke up.

In bold.

Push/pull behavior.

A precursor... .

Of what she was going to do later on.

I hate this ___ing disorder.

Yes, always the push pull, the "I wish you just didn't care about me" comments, the "I'm just going to end up hurting you".   All of it.

So typical BPD

Hopealways  …just trying to draw from my experiences…  you know, I don’t think there’s any advice I can give you – as your words and actions (or inaction ;-) have given me inspiration.  Just remember, if, like me, you weaken (because we’re a caring lot) – don’t go away!

I guess my experience has been just answering my uBPDgf attempts at contact … then having it fall apart in a month or so – Times 6   …then feeling weak, stupid, used …and a bit fearful about returning here …after having received tons of advice and encouragement to remain NC.

There are several sites devoted to pwBPD, as I stumbled around attempting to learn what I could before being ‘directed here.’  Not to bash, but they’re a pretty sad lot … and you can’t help but feel sorry for those afflicted with such an insidious disease.  But – we can’t make it ‘our condition,’ and they’ll never get anywhere fobbing off folks like ourselves who are willing to actually help them.  In other words, they pick well. 

What’s weird, and I actually tried to avoid doing it cuz it likely caused me to focus a bit too much on the BPD aspect of my mate …was to read around here while things were ‘going good.’  It’s usually a place I end up when it’s over…  But – I miss you folks!  I know, there’s likely a good reason we should doubt ourselves and question why it is we’ve ended up the secondary victims of BPD, but what a solid group.  Really, and it’s a pleasure to share your adventures.  Stay your course  |iiii 

Inside, thank you for your honesty and support.

We support you in all stages of your recovery - you are not the only person who relapses, it is common!  Please do not feel at all ashamed to come back after another recycle attempt, God knows we have all been through it before!

The fact that my heart did not race when I got that text gave me some closure.  Made me think that this time maybe the no contact period in a way made me think she was a bigger part of my life than she really was.  It is all so strange and so interesting how our emotions work.

What I can say though is how grateful I am to not have this mental illness.  I can actually fall in true love, I have compassion, empathy, all very human emotions.  I cannot imagine what it would be like to not have those emotions. I would feel so empty... .and exactly like my BPDex.

I have to agree with your characterization of this group as a "solid group" compared to the real sadness of the pwBPD forums.  Yes we are hurt, traumatized etc but we are not ill, we are a good bunch, the givers (that's why the BPD chose us!) and we are helping each other get better.  I feel such great energy on this L3 forum - even from those that are so hurt, I can see the honesty, love and caring even in their sadness.

Thank you again for sharing.