BPDFamily.com

I was reading somewhere (and i forget where, i read a lot) that a good thing to do when having negative thoughts about someone is to come up with a silly name for them in your head so that when you think of them you can laugh at something less serious. I have since been fastidious in my search for the perfect name for my ex that captured her beauty... .her grace... .her... .L'essence

and I've finally found it! It's great, it's very close sounding to her name and i laugh literally every time i speak of l'essence:

Krusty Bat___

lol :)

wow i'm sitting here cracking up you guys have got to try this. seriously even if it takes a few days to think up the perfect name it's worth it! I used to refer to my x as TripleX (b/c she was the x before my last x, plus she was xplicit   but, no Krusty Bat___ is truly the winner today!

p.s. actually i think i read about this name substitution on one of the articles on this site? i'll have to look

https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=103393.0

:)

You can go beyond the name too, for example envision your ex in a clown costume with a really big head, running around crazy-like, with cartoon music playing.  Funny, and also a neurolinguistic programming technique.  Try it, it can really take the negative energy and power out of our version of our ex.

haha... that's funny. I just call my ex "a little brat" in my own head! He reminded me of a little child acting up-kind of a "spoilt brat" really. I didn't even read the emotional rumination article... I'd just been doing it anyways lol 

I did something similar once by chance after watching one of the Alan Partidge's shows. I do not remember the episode precisely, but they do a wordplay using anagrams  and end up Alan Partridge - Anal Dirge Prat.  I was deeply in love with my ex during the crazy push/pull periods including numerous women, I tried doing the same thing using letters from his full name - came up with "vagina" and a sport device :D Thought about it as a sign from the above! :D

What emotion does the name induce in you Goldy?

Does it help in your detachment? If it does, then absolutely I think this is really helpful.

My own reaction to the name you've given her is that it's an anger generating name... .when I call someone crusty, I'm putting them down.

I had a "nickname" for the pwBPD in my life at one point. It was ugly. I was really mad at her and it somehow gave me a certain kind of power to call her crazy. To say that she was without a soul.

I was still entrenched in all that was her.

 

It's so hard when someone has hurt us so much. We handed over so much power to them and it can be such an uphill climb to get that power back.

No right or wrong in this, but I found when I said her actual name it humanized the person for me. When I saw her as more of a helpless and sad person, then an evil, manipulating monster with no soul... .I was able to separate her from my hurt. Take some of that power back.

I surely can appreciate the "little brat" sentiment too... .like when I call my kids "little stinkers".  

 "psychopathic crotch sniffer"  is a funny name (hey, I heard someone laugh), but I don't think this is exactly what Joseph Carver meant.  If the name might carry any latent anger or be about painting someone black, I'd steer clear. We can get into dysfunctional coping ourselves.

If we're trying to detach and reprogram a haunting memory file, we may want to make them as benign as possible - it's safer.


Beanie Weenie.  Benign.

From my own experience (one rat study), I envisioned a piece of white paper.  I tried this after some other ideas failed.  To this day, my mind still pulls up that image and it is peaceful to me.  Every other person in my past has images that come pup when I think about them - except in this case - I get white space.

It's amazing how this works.

Mine had a name that had "-ord" in it so it was easy enough to make a "borderline" nickname. He also had a last name starting with ":)e" (pronounced dee) so it was easy enough to make a "BPD" nickname.

Let's say his name was "Fordham DeMonte" (it wasn't, but the structure is similar), so now I call him "Forderline BPDeMonte"

It helps some... .I just don't think that way. Even though she has admitted and even called herself a female dog... .I just can't devalue her that way (even though I cycle between pity and hatred for her from day to day). I do, however, come up with acronyms for people. My ex-gf in high school we called TSO (The Stupid One) because she dumped me... .then tried to recycle she was a waif, too, so my pattern goes way back. She wasn't BPD though.

I call my BPDex's paramour POS (piece of !@#$).

My buddy refers to me as BMF, Samuel L. Jackson's initials on his wallet in Pulp Fiction. (bad mother !@%&er).

I have to keep it at a higher level with mine, since I will be co-parenting in some type of relationship with her for the rest of our lives. I can't let my views filter down to the kids. It will be hard enough as it is.

The emotion the name gives me is laughter, or a lightening of my mood. I physically laugh when I say the name  :) (and yes i realize that "laughter" isn't an emotion).

And, yes I realized before posting that the name isn't flattering for this person. I don't care so much about that now b/c it's doing me good so I'll use it. Throughout this whole process i'm actually proud of myself for not using worse names (that several other people refer to her as) for the simple fact that i know it won't change anything, and i don't want to look overly bitter (or be overly bitter).

In time I'm sure I'll be able to use her regular name again, but why rush it? I know I have some latent anger left, but I'm way ahead of where I was before. Now I find myself being able to laugh at it which is a big step. No need to skip this important step I'd rather savor it while it's here. Eventually the joke will get old, but as long as it makes sense to me, she's Krusty Bat___  lol :)

I was talking with a psychologist friend of mine a while ago about this and he was saying the name substitution thing works. If you can think of a name that is kind of silly, you usually end up short circuiting the bad feelings you might usually associate with your pwBPD and substitute a different emotion. Feeling amused is probably healthier than feeling mean spirited, but maybe anger is a stage that somebody needs at the moment.

You can go beyond just the name, you can also conjure up some other silly visual too instead of their face. This could get out of hand though... .  :)