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Title: Violated NT Again... Upon Discussion of Custody Post by: Turkish on October 30, 2013, 11:42:52 AM I'll probably post something more detailed on the Family board... .suffice to say, it was calm last night between us. She called my bluff and said I could come to the Halloween party with her if I wanted to. I said, ok, but no. Not if we were not a couple.
I then detailed out the proposed custody agreement with child support, showing my hand that I actually saw a lawyer; whereas, she had just looked online as the possibilities. I'll leave the details out, but we both came to the conclusion of doing something like a 3-2-3 thing with both kids. Despite her attraction to Buddhism now, she is almost adamant about me having them every Sunday to raise them in my faith (Protestant, Christian). I said missing a day of church won't hurt them, but it almost seems like she is pushing me to have them, if even for a few hours. She is so focused on them now; reiterating that she doesn't want to hurt me financially because she wants me to keep the house to pass on to them later (I think they can work for it like I did, but we both came from dirt poor backgrounds, so I understand where she is coming from). Of course this triggered her emotionally and she started tearing up at the end of the discussion. She had previously talked about getting out by January whether or not affordable housing went through. Now she is talking December, because she knows I need to be alone (projection? but true for both of us). Next month, every weekend is busy with various things each of us has, and one function with her family in which I will support and take part, since I am part of their family due to the kids. Need to keep that relationship good. Easy, since the stable ones there don't support at all what she is doing or has done. She walked by and I reached out to hold her (she standing, me sitting... .nothing really sexual, but still intimate). She cried... .strangely, I didn't, for once. I am getting better! I did whisper in her ear, "I still love you, remember that. You think I don't care, but I do. You think I don't know what is going on inside you, but I do." the only thing that she said was "sorry," and it sounded real. I felt I said what I needed to say. I thought I would hate myself this morning for being weak, but strangely I don't. The last thing I wanted to do was to sooth her, but it actually soothed me too. Title: Re: Violated NT Again... Upon Discussion of Custody Post by: Waifed on October 30, 2013, 02:55:02 PM I'll probably post something more detailed on the Family board... .suffice to say, it was calm last night between us. She called my bluff and said I could come to the Halloween party with her if I wanted to. I said, ok, but no. Not if we were not a couple. I then detailed out the proposed custody agreement with child support, showing my hand that I actually saw a lawyer; whereas, she had just looked online as the possibilities. I'll leave the details out, but we both came to the conclusion of doing something like a 3-2-3 thing with both kids. Despite her attraction to Buddhism now, she is almost adamant about me having them every Sunday to raise them in my faith (Protestant, Christian). I said missing a day of church won't hurt them, but it almost seems like she is pushing me to have them, if even for a few hours. She is so focused on them now; reiterating that she doesn't want to hurt me financially because she wants me to keep the house to pass on to them later (I think they can work for it like I did, but we both came from dirt poor backgrounds, so I understand where she is coming from). Of course this triggered her emotionally and she started tearing up at the end of the discussion. She had previously talked about getting out by January whether or not affordable housing went through. Now she is talking December, because she knows I need to be alone (projection? but true for both of us). Next month, every weekend is busy with various things each of us has, and one function with her family in which I will support and take part, since I am part of their family due to the kids. Need to keep that relationship good. Easy, since the stable ones there don't support at all what she is doing or has done. She walked by and I reached out to hold her (she standing, me sitting... .nothing really sexual, but still intimate). She cried... .strangely, I didn't, for once. I am getting better! I did whisper in her ear, "I still love you, remember that. You think I don't care, but I do. You think I don't know what is going on inside you, but I do." the only thing that she said was "sorry," and it sounded real. I felt I said what I needed to say. I thought I would hate myself this morning for being weak, but strangely I don't. The last thing I wanted to do was to sooth her, but it actually soothed me too. Well done. If only she can keep those words straight in her mind forever. I know you must be empty but hurting so bad at the same time. |