BPDFamily.com

Any success stories out there?

I feel crippled by my past relationship with my BPDex. I feel inadequate and sub-par in terms of dating and my self esteem.

Anyone broke free from these shackles? Anyone out there who's back out there and has improved linearly? Exponentially?

Hi Tryingnottoslip

You are not alone, many here had struggles with self-esteem after the past relationship.

For me personally it was a weak up call to take better care of myself and working on my self-esteem which was not huge long before the shattered rs.

Here are some of the success stories: How we gained control over our lives. (https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=70626.msg685197#msg685197)

I hope this helps a bit.

And  *welcome* !

Hi Tryingnottosli,

I too struggled with the lost of self-esteem. It was really hard to grasps at first because I have always been a confident person with a readily supply of self-esteem.

I have slowly but surely started to get my self-esteem back. It comes from the self-realization that (A) I'm still here, and (B) I can do anything I set my mind to.

Nonetheless, it's a process, I wish you the best.

Me exactly... .It is amazing how you can lose your self esteem over one relationship.  It does start coming back though, even though sometimes I have to fake my way through the day.

Here's a link to a recent post of mine. I would say I've improved exponentially, but it's still two steps forward, one step back. Sometimes you have to step back and look at the big picture. For me (as explained in my other entry), there was something that triggered me to do that and come up with a very different approach. I was basically broadsided with a very hard look at my situation and how it would affect my future and my future relationships. I got a good look into who I was before my identity got lost in the morass of the BPD relationship and that's what I'm working towards now. There was nothing wrong with me then and certainly nothing I needed to be apologizing for. I was happy and lived life on my terms and only my terms.

A note on dating: It's tricky. Don't look for it to getting your self esteem back. I'm not sure how old you are but at my age (38), and lot of the women are broken. They either want all or nothing or they have no sense of boundaries. I've met some good ones; one has become a pretty good friend and another two have possibilities... .well in the future. Because the whole "committed relationship" thing is off the table for now for various reasons, I simply enjoy their company when I'm with them; which isn't too often. They've inspired and encouraged me to work on something a whole lot bigger than seeking out a new partner: working on taking care of myself again. I'm taking a nice long break from the typical "dating" scene.

https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=212189.0

yes i am doing better after six years in a BPD r/s that had atleast 15 recyeles. she left again 7 months ago and we have had 5 or 6 minn recycels in this last break up.

im getting myself back together i feel stronger every day. i go up and down alot but never as low as the frist few months.

im one week into n/c again for the 10th times in 7 months but i know even if i fall and let her talk to me again ill never fall into the trap again... .ive learned to much

it takes time dont rush yourself and trust your gut not you heart

Thank you all 

I'm trying to use my gut rather than my mind.

Using logic and rationale has been an enemy of mine so far.

I think I am doing pretty good.  I'm eight months no contact after being replaced out of the blue. After a two year relationship with the man who professed to be my partner and soulmate.  I've worked hard in therapy and have made many changes.  I'm dating someone who is kind and caring now. And we are in a relationship. It's still early on but he's nothing like the BPDex and that alone is progress.   I still think of my ex here and there and feel a twinge of pity or sometimes I'll remember a moment we shared.  But I cannot conjure up feeling.  No anger, no sadness, no depression.  Sometimes pity but otherwise I feel nothing.  I mainly post here and there to tell about my own experience for others who are liking for similarities in their stories. 

Even the smallest change, be it having more fortified boundaries or loving yourself more , or even learning something new about what you will and will not accept is a major step forward.  Don't discredit the small things. 

|iiii

So true!