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So it's been a while since I've been here. For the most part I've even doing really great. Felt like I moved on with my life, and I still do feel like that to an extent but there's something hanging over me and don't know what it is.

Couple weeks ago I found out my ex got into a relationship with a 26 yr old who has 2 kids with two different girls. My ex is 35. I don't know how it is effecting me, but obviously has enough that I needed to come back to the boards. Apparently she the two were exchanging I love you'd within a week.

That's pretty much all I have to say about it. Maybe I just needed to tell people... I find it pretty absurd and maybe needed validation in that. Maybe it's also me thinking her brother or sisters don't say anything like what are you doing with your life?

Maybe it's just me. And I shouldn't be so against 26 yr olds with two kids with two different moms.  Maybe that's what's bothering me.

That's all I've got

it's ok that hearing about your ex still affects you some, i would just take this opportunity to do the same work that helped you heal thus far and keep doing it.

i think you're getting into dangerous territory though by comparing yourself to some other random guy. the problem is that you are giving her loopy way of thinking far too much credit. the guy may be a douche. at the same time he could actually be a really nice guy. maybe he's really trying to straighten himself out and thinks he's found a partner to build that with. who knows? point is, it's a losing battle trying to compare yourself to this guy, because really the question is "why did she leave me and then would be happy with someone like him?" and, the answer to this question is impossible to know! we don't know what they are thinking! and why would we want to? it smells like poo to me, you know?

i don't think you should beat yourself up for reacting or thinking about these things. just make sure you're not judging a guy you've never met, and also realize that you don't really need to understand what/why she's doing what she's doing. b/c you've done the research and soul searching and growth--you already *know* why.  :)

So I've been doing some thinking here and there since I posted this.

I think I've come to realize I still had a bit of resentment in me of it not working out.

I think how I should look at it is as every person is different and every person with BPD is also different and at different stages.

With my ex Is a girl looking for her love. And if the guy treats her well and they both profess their love for one another, I shouldn't harbor any resentment over that. Maybe that will be the relationship that lasts and that she looks more inward to try to improve her faults to make it work. I can't hold that against her. She's just trying to find her match or love or whatever.

I'm sure she's very tired of the broken relationships. So if she puts in more of an effort to be with the current guy, all it says is she's trying to make this one work. Not that she used me until she found the next guy. I just wasn't what she was looking for and I can't hold that against her and her at times confused mind.

She isn't contacting me or trying to string me along because why would she if she wants to make it work with him.

And it's not cause I wasn't good enough for her. It's just that we weren't a compatible match.

That's my take on it I think.

Hey goldy.

Just saw your post.

I think we're on the same page.

Thanks for writing. Always helpful