BPDFamily.com

Latest crisis! After a very nasty episode with my BPDDIL telling my husband and I what a piece of crap we are it was rather quiet for a while. Then the nastiness started again. She got herself involved with my brother's daughter-in-law who is also a BPD and the two bonded. Needless to say they have been creating a lot of havoc. Since we all have had to deal with these two we have burned up the texting trying to support one another. I have been very careful making sure I delete my messages but apparently unbeknownst to me my DIL entered my house and went through my messages on my IPAD. This must have been one of the times I hadn't deleted yet. She claimed my 9 year old grandson had read the messages. Funny if he had why did he run up to me and hug me and tell me he loved me. Hmmmm! Then my 4 year old granddaughter said, ":)o you say bad things about us?" Here she goes again involving the kids trying to stir up trouble. So I was confronted by my son who naturally puts all the blame on me. He is gone a lot with his job and believes everything she says. I didn't engage with him or her and walked away saying I am done. There is no getting along with them because of her constant lying and trouble making. I usually hide everything in my house just for this reason. So here we are again. But this time I have had it. I have tried and tried and find out she is continuing to bad mouth me, stir up trouble and then lie, lie and lie. Sometimes I wonder if there really is anyway to resolve this and go on with your life short of cutting off you son and letting your grandchildren go. Sorry for the negativity! I am just tired of all this drama and no resolving. There is a point where you have to take care of your own sanity and say enough is enough.   

You're entitled to get support for yourself for sure, and I bet that you feel like your DIL invaded your privacy. Have you set a password or lock on your iPad? If you want to make sure that your messages are truly private, that will help.

Where would you like to go here as far as your relationship goes with your son and DIL? Are you willing to continue trying to make things work, knowing that  you will have to do most of the work on the relationship?

I have set a lock on my IPAD. Never dreaming that my daughter-in-law would stoop to such levels. I guess I will never underestimate her again. After the confrontation last night she showed up at my daughter's not 5 minutes after I showed up. I think she was following me. When she walked in she had one of my grandsons. He ran to me again hugged me and said I love you grandma. I told him I loved him also. She was all chitty chatty acting like nothing ever happened. I will admit I was still angry and tried not to engage with her knowing that is what she wants. I let my anger get the best of me last night and just wanted to give up.

I believe I can set boundaries with her now a lot better than before. After much studying I know am starting to understand how to interact with her. Walking away felt good last night! I am very angry with my son and will inform him that they not only invaded my privacy but everyone that has texted me. So I will inform people not to text because there are no boundaries with my son and daughter-in-law. I know what she is and that will never change but my son and his inability to acknowledge and seek to better the situation is the most frustrating. Thanks for listening! Hopefully next time I will be in better control of my emotions.