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ive been abale to keep from contact ex for just over a week now and im not feeling good about. we have been apart so long why cant i forget this and give up hope.

im not sure i can make it the next few hours with txt her. i know she will answer im almost sure how it will go.

i just cant after seven moths get myself to see its not going to work out

any advise or support would be welcomed

I broke nc with my ex on thursday, after seven days, i wanted to say alot, but in the end i said very little,ive realised after reading posts on this site, learning about BPD from various sources,that he never felt the same way about our r/s , I was just there to fill a gap, nothing more,I gave and he took, because thats how he is built, and I cant change that.He emailed me back, accused me of cheating,which is funny because ha had girls lined up all over,went on an on, he did what i knew he would do, hurt me, and i invited it.The problem, is my own, its up to me to be the bigger person, because he will NEVER be capable.

Do what you got to do. No need to torture yourself. If you really feel you need to contact her then do it. We all went back plenty of times even when we knew we shouldn't.

After reading these board some, I eventually went back to my ex. It's what I needed to do at the time. When it ended again, it hurt just as bad if not worse than every other time. But from reading these boards, I was aware of what was coming at me. And shortly after I was finally ready to end it and move on.

No contact is eventually the way to go. I think most on here would agree you can't go no contact until you're ready.

Hi simplyasiam,

I recognise the feelings of needing to make contact.  My exH and I have children together so there was always a kind of built in 'excuse' for me to make contact and I gave into the temptation many a time.  Contact often led to a reconciliation - more than I would like to 'confess' over several years.  And the end result was the same every time. 

Now I don't find it difficult to remain NC.  Not because he very quickly remarried.  The last time he left (or rather, 'disappeared' without a conversation), I was done.  I was done because I finally 'got' that it was never going to work out.  I had been unable to accept that before.  This was really sad but liberating in another way. 

As long as you have hope or hold onto false hope, it's going to be really difficult to maintain NC.  Can you say what it is that prevents you from giving up this hope?  Why you can't seen that "it's not going to work out"?  I know what it took for me to finally be done but it did take a long time.  What will it take for you to be done?

take care,

Claire

Hope and False Hope. They are the magnet within the recycle. Emotions cloud that hook.

Loving someone with BPD is a cruel paradox. NC is to heal. To understand how and why you got hooked. Doesn't shut the faucet off on loving the other, but gives you time to slowly close the outflow and relegate the relationship to memory.


If you are haunted and tormented by the "What if's and if Only's" there is really only one way to know. Try again. Then you will know it in your heart of hearts. It will also hurt worse.   And you will be able to walk away if the r/s doesn't work. Hopefully with a greater understanding of the both of you. How much of your life are you willing to invest in a losing proposition? I am pretty certain you don't believe it will be a loss, but you won't know that till you "lose" when the r/s becomes too painful to maintain. Why did the r/s end in the first place? What do you think will be different now? Many aspects to consider. Can you speak openly with her without her exploding and blaming you?