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Hi... .I posted a bit ago about my dilemma with a job I was considering that involves travel - Had some great advice much revolving on a plan should she get suicidal.  Well, took the job, announced it to the kids Friday, and Sunday nite she took 90 days worth of her prozac (have gotten alot of questions as to why the psych guy ordered the 90 day supply) - Spent 2 days this week with her in ICU and thank god she didn't damage anything.  She's back in Inpt Psych now - and angrier then a hornet, detached about dying, and desires it, and cites no desire to "get better" - She has bipolar components too, and was on meds but she chose to stop them 6 weeks ago.  I am so confused, as there is a huge anger and manipulation component to all this from her - I realize shee has both and we need to treat both.  Justs confusing as the treatment and outlook for each is so different.  Is she striking out manipulatively?   Yes, but she also is honestly not afraid and wants to die, andd seems to be holding that as a power thing over our heads.  I feel so awful even talking about her like this... .she's in so much hate and pain right now towards the whole world except me and her  siblings - Just need to vent.  Anyone dealing with the dual diagnoses and how to distinguish some of the negative behaviors?  ie hope meds will work, or recognize it as manipulation and don't give in... .Don't you sometimes feel your the one going nutty?  Thanks all.  Autumn Fall 

Autumnfall,

Wow!  I am so sorry you're family is going through this right now.  Is she being manipulative? Possibly.  I think that manipulative talk needs to go on the back burner for now and you need to just deal with the reality that your daughter took 130 Prozac. That is a lot to take in and I'm sure you must be shocked and hurting right now.  What are you doing to take care of yourself? 

I don't know if I would view your daughter as holding a power over your heads by wanting to die.  This is her reality and her feelings.  Yes she has all the power because you must live every moment fearful that your daughter wants to die.  I'm in the same boat.  My dd16 also has suicidal ideations and says she wants to die.  We have had 2 suicide attempts and I also live with that same fear. 

I have some other thoughts but I forget how old your dd is now.  My dd also has been diagnosed with bipolar.  The thought is that we focus on the BPD and a lot of the bipolar symptoms will also decrease (we've seen that). 

I imagine it does feel awful to talk about your dd and wonder if she is manipulating you.  Suicide attempts are probably the most confusing things I've had to deal with.  Emotions are off the chart and all over the place.  I remember the last attempt my daughter made.  She was able to walk so we took her to the er.  DH was yelling at her the whole way because he was so angry.  I was crying because I felt so hurt.  For me,  the attempt really felt like the biggest "screw you" ever. Fortunately she claims not to remember anything from that day after she took the pills. 

Now you have to answer the question... do you still want to take the job?  That's an extremely personal choice.  I personally would not take the job because I wouldn't want to live with the guilt should dd be successful in her attempt next time.  I am a classic rescuer tho.  I wouldn't take the job if I thought I could prevent dd from stubbing her toe. lol  Working on it... baby steps and all that.  Others may take the job, and have a plan in place, because it is what they need for themselves.  There's a lot of merit to both positions.  What are your initial feelings and thoughts?

We're here for you.  Keep on posting and venting and dealing with all those feelings.

-crazed

Autumnfall,

So much fear. So much pain. For each of you in the family. The feelings each of you are experiencing are valid. Yes, it feels very manipulative. Most likely it is really about the fear which dysregulates emotions and shuts off access to clear thinking.

What things can you do for yourself to shift out of your fear? So you can think clearly.

What things can your dh do for himself to shift out of his fear? So he can think clearly.

I struggle to find a mindful place when overcome by my own emotions. The support network I have scaffolded around me this year is my survival strategy. They can sit with me, listen to me, nurture me, pray with me, calm me. Then I can find the courage and strength to be there for my loved ones from a place of love instead of fear.

What is your plan for just this response to your new job? Can you still put it into action now that the acute emergency is past? Can you see this as an opportunity for your D to learn that you love her, are there for her even when not in her presence, that you can leave and then return and she is not abandoned? The answers will come as you shift out of your fear, with help from your support network.

qcr