BPDFamily.com

First, let me mention that we had no children together and not a single contract was signed together, which makes my situation easier than some of yours, I know.  That said, emotionally, I think we all have a lot in common.

January:  Met a perfect girl.  Had sex on day-one. And on day two, and day three and day four.  It was amazing.  I fell in love fast.  She was so beautiful. so sexy, so funny, such a great girl. 

March: I start to think "if this girl would just do this, this and this, she'd be perfect."

April: She wanted to stay at my house, I said "no", and she stayed at a good friend's house, and blew him.

May:  I think "I can't let something like this happen again... .I should make this girl my girlfriend so she won't do stuff like this again"

June:  She has steady improvements, and improves me at the same time.  Or so I think.  (I found out later that she was being disloyal and dishonest the whole time)

August:  Several examples of her texting naked pictures to guys, giving her number to guys, disappearing for 24-hour periods with no good explanation, etc. I "knew" she was lying and cheating, but she was so good at denying and lying that it made ME sound crazy for accusing her.  But I"m a logical person, I knew better.  I told her I was done.  Over.  Finished. 

Early September:  We have recycled the relationship about 10 times. Break up, get back together. Repeat.  I obviously know that I want it to be over, but you can't just say "I don't think we should be together anymore" to a pwBPD and expect them to say "ok, that sounds fine, good luck, bye!" 

Late September:  I've gotten between 100-400 text a day, ranging from

"I love you baby, I'm so sorry, I'll do whatever it takes"

to

"I"m going to destroy you",

which is evil enough, but it was one letter at a time.  I-send, apostrophe-send, M-send... .so on... .it was crazy creepy. 

November 1:  It has now been well over a month since I blocked her on everything.  Facebook, Twitter, calls, texts, everything.  I have fought the urge to look at her twitter feed, avoided the places I know she likes going, etc.  I've started phone therapy ($70 a session, ask me if you want more info), which is totally worth it.  It's nice to have someone to talk to who won't judge you no matter what. 

I'm improving myself and figuring out why it was that someone like this could even lure me in so much.  As awful as she makes me feel, I'm grateful that she forced me to feel some emotions. 

The moral here is this:  if you think "once I change them, they'll be awsesome!", then you need to just get out right now.  It will suck hard for three weeks, then suck kind of for another three weeks, but, then you'll start to feel better.  It's just like quitting anything else, you have to just go cold turkey.  You can't quit crack while still smoking a LITTLE BIT of crack every few days or weeks.  So you have to just quit.  Stop it.  It sucks at first but then gets totally simple and improves your life. 

I would still like to hear your versions of what you went thru.  Was it obvious, but still difficult? Did you recycle?  More than once?  Do you still talk to any of their family or friends about them?  Do you still get jealous when you hear of them with someone else?   

This is great, StandUpGuy, you are doing really good work.  |iiii   I agree that wanting to change your partner is a losing proposition.  We have exactly zero control over anyone else's behavior.  

Leaving was definitely the right thing for me, and it was really hard.  We only recycled once, in an attempt to be friends, but it quickly escalated to something romantic and then blew up.  I'm very thankful for the experience, as difficult as it was.

Your story is very similar to mine except mine was spread out over 3 years. I have been NC for 2-1/2 months. Improving steadily but definitely still have the occasional setback. You sound pretty strong. Keep up the great work!

Same strategies for me EXCEPT for recycling. After her "friends"(her ex and his pals) robbed my home ($30,000.00 in losses, yep you read that right 30 grand) while I was meeting her at her insistence to discuss "us" I Changed ALL contact information after she called a month later asking me to bail her out of jail.  Rented out my property and moved to a different location as well. Bought an imported professionally trained adult personal protection German Shepard.  Even the renters were given a P.O. Box number and a track telephone number to contact me. POOF... .I disappeared. Over a year for me. Do I agree... .100%! |iiii Nothing like mixing personality disorder with alcohol and drugs!

Wow!

She sure enough done me good. Those are the facts and "some" of the gory details. We won't talk about my little pug who she "loved more than anything in the world" that needed surgery for a torsion (twisted) stomach after being kicked by the asss as he protected mine to the best he could... .but he's a tough little guy and pulled through... .kinda like us. But you know... .really I don't live in that reality anymore. As I now see it you don't take anything with you when you go except your soul. This is HERE... .this is NOW... .LIFE IS GOOD! |iiii

My relationship was a lot like yours with how it started and ended. 5 months together then I ended it because I knew she was already setting up the next guy and I was going to be away for 2 weeks (game over with BPD's). Problem was that we still saw each other even after she immediately got together with the guy that I suspected (she told me I had nothing to worry about btw when we were together). So for the 6 months after we broke up we still saw each other. Like you said, you can't quit something if you are still doing it less than before.

She got married 6 months after we broke up and that was the end of it. Such a blessing in disguise. She still wanted to see me but at that point I had had enough. I had not detached at all and it was getting really dark. No way I was getting involved with a married ex. My self respect was 0 and the first bit of redemption was cutting her off and going cold turkey and NC. She called and texted but I never responded. Each time she did call and I ignored I got back a little bit of what I gave away. It got to the point where it was crystal clear she was ill and I could finally believe that it wasn't my fault that we ended and I could let go of all the devaluation that she left me with.

After 3-4 months NC I now feel pretty good. I realize she is really sick and finally I don't care what happens to her current relationship. There is simply too much drama with her; it never ends and being with her is a full time job... all my other passions and dreams would die if I were with her. Plus, she cheats so whats that point?

The only mistake I've made in the last 2 weeks is breaking NC and responding to her emails and instant messaging in a friendly matter. She is moving 6000 miles away in a week and is freaking out about it. I'm over that relationship but I can tell that there still are some wounds that need more healing. It was a mistake even just talking to her online. She wanted my number again because she deleted it and a few days ago she tried to get me to hang out while her husband was away. I declined both requests and she raged. I've since dropped off the radar again. She can feel the pain of being alone Halloween night. She won't use me as a placeholder ever again. One more week and hopefully this chapter of my life is completely over.

P.S. - What really helped me get over this was cold turkey NC, not checking any of her social media sites, and an overseas trip for a week. If you can, travel. There is something about meeting new people and cultures that can regain your hope for humanity and get rid of that bad BPD taste in your mouth.

It is most definitely the best decision you will ever make, friend. And coming here is a close runner up, on my part, at least. I still have self worth problems, and trouble enjoying past hobbies, but I'm getting there. Nobody needs someone like that in their life.

I left my ex-BPDGF 1500 miles away with her family a little over a month ago. WOW, the freedom is incredible! I can actually leave the house for an hour or two w/out getting text messages; "Where are you" "I know your F****** one of your exGF's again!" "Your in a motel, aren't you"... .Oh, I never cheated on her but caught her cheating on me! A few times these texts would start within 30 minutes! My story is pretty much like yours! Met her (long story, knew her years before, didn't realize it at first), the perfect woman, almost to good. Young (compared to my age), beautiful (before she gained over 100 pounds), good personality, loved sex (yes from day 1 or 2, don't remember), sex daily or several times a day at first. Sexy & yes I fell in love fast. Not all about her at first... .We were together for 2 months, she them left me to go back to her ex. Then she got back with me after being with him for 2 months. Found out later she never stopped seeing her ex for the first 2 months we were together. 2 months after we got back together I caught her cheating. And then again 6 months after that (& after that). She never let go of ANY  of her ex's unless they cut off contact. Was with her 4 years. Things were better when she got on med's. But still the blowups, cheating, lieing, etc. If not for the lying & cheating I'd probably still be with her. Those 2 things finally became deal breakers. Oh, about a week after we had been together she told me she'd never had a BF (or her ex Hubby) that she hadn't cheated on. But it was going to be different with me, she didn't say this, this was 'my head' talking! Yes, they'd be the perfect partners "if not forhit__". Insert any & all the stuff that you can't tolerate in the blank! I'm no contact over 30 days now. But, I feel like texting her even though I know it's not a good idea. Oh, we broke up & got back together twice.   zzz