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Title: He broke NC and I fell for it Post by: Aw511 on November 03, 2013, 09:50:52 PM We went NC a week and a half ago, a day later and then a week after that he sent me two picture messages which I did not respond to. Then he called at 3am saying he missed me but if I keep ignoring him he's going to delete my number and never talk to me again. All this after a completely (seemingly) civil and understanding conversation about me needing to move on and why we can't keep contacting each other. I waited 36 hours and then responded nicely again explaining why I can't be in contact with him. His reply was short and mean "I deleted your number two days ago. You won't be hearing from me again." We ended up texting more that night but nothing since. I am struggling because now I feel like he hates me. And it's so ING FRUSTRATING that someone I loved and was patient with after treating me like garbage and cheating on me now HATES ME because I didn't respond to his drunken voicemail. It's so unfair. My heart is broken. I just want this to be over
Title: Re: He broke NC, manipulated me into responding and I fell for it :( Post by: Aw511 on November 03, 2013, 10:05:13 PM I just had hope that we could be civil and move on from each other on good terms, something he said was not the norm for him. It seemed like that was possible, but now I'm realizing it might not be. i can't stand being on bad terms with anyone. I don't want to hate him. I have forgiven him for everything he did to me. It hurts that I can't get that back on his end. I think he needs to hate me so he won't feel guilty or something. thank you for your response.
Title: Re: He broke NC and I fell for it Post by: GreenMango on November 03, 2013, 10:49:12 PM The relationship recycling can be so hard emotionally.
Detachment is hard. Here's a little but from the Recycling Workshop ... .It asks a couple of good questions to ask ourselves when we get caught up in this cycle. Do any of these seem like things you are struggling with? (clicking on the teal link below will take you to it directly) What is it? This workshop is about "break-up/make-up" cycles and when and how it can become toxic and what we should do. When is this unhealthy? Let's break this down. Sixty-two (62%) of relationships do not end at the first break-up. For a wife to have second thoughts about a divorce is normal. Sometimes our own self doubt makes us want to try one more time. Sometimes one partner promises to change something. To reconnect with a person after a break-up 1-2 times is really not all that unusual. When there are more than 4, 5, 6 "break-up/make-up" cycles in a relationship there is something seriously wrong. And when this happens, the conventional relationship expectations are pretty much out the window. Why do we get caught up in cycles? These are the questions we need to answer if we ever want the break-up/make-up cycle to end. Are we returning to this person because we are in love with them and the relationship has a chance, or are we returning to this person because they feel safe?
Why do our "BPD" partners recycle? It is hard for us to understand why our partner is expressing an interest after they left in a torrent of bad behavior (e.g., cheating, raging and telling us that we are a horrible people). "If they don't love me, why this?" The answer is much of the same reasons as we have... .plus a few others that are related to the disorder.
If You Want to Stay in the Relationship: The ability to end break-up/make-up cycles and stay in a relationship takes a deep commitment by both partners. This often means structured rehabilitation (counseling, workshops, classes, self-help programs, etc.). If you are both open to restarting the relationship, remember the problem isn't going to go away without work. Hope is not enough (on both sides)... . More details in the workshop [/list] |