BPDFamily.com

After months of obstructing therapy, visits, etc., BPD mom is suddenly cooperating and really really behaving herself.  I have a feeling that someone must have finally called her on the carpet and scared her.  It is sad it has to go to this level in the court system to make her coparent nicely.  At the same time, at least she has it in her in the first place when she wants to. 

My only guess is someone scared her into compliance... .her emails have completely changed from nasty and bullying in one moment to nice and cooperative in the next. 

Does court typically reign them in?

My ex does this, suddenly she does a 180... .for a while. Just a few days ago she got scared with the threat of what we "solved" through collaborative law, going to litigation if she didn't straighten up and stop all the B.S

That is a big paraphrase but basically she got a harsh warning. She knows I have a ton of stuff on her. She knows that if that happens it is highly possible that we won't have 50/50 and I will get more time maybe even primary custody. So she is suddenly nice. Now that won't last long unfortunately for her. I have seen the pattern before and that is simply because at some point she needs a target and I am easy. Not that she doesn't want to be nice but she has to be able to project onto someone and that person is me. Then things go sideways again.

My personal opinion is that courts can reign them in only so much, from what I know and have seen. Each person is different though.

In my case she's been the same way. Been very cooperative all month. Of course, that is really only because she knows we have a ton of evidence and that she has been doing the wrong things so much that winning another contempt finding is a certainty. Not to mention the custody piece. It stinks but deep down I know that when she is being good is the best time to file. In my experience a BPD is used to calling the shots. Behaving herself is a other form of manipulation and not a desire to do better. And, like in Thisyoungdad's case, she'll be right back at it when she thinks she can get away with it again.

The really disturbing thing is with the kids. Most of the time the kids respond to an I love you from their dad with "okay" when they are at their moms but then will tell their dad that love him twenty times a day when they are here. Last weekend, with BPDmom standing right over them supporting it, they told their dad they love him a bunch of times over the phone. So they are allowed to love him in front of BPD mom right now. It hurts to think about what they will go through after we file.  :/

I haven't looked back on your history, but she's probably had these moments or periods of seeming normalcy before.  As I recall someone(s) saying in the past, both these behaviors are her, she's not one or the other.  Cooperation is her, however briefly, when she has to or when she wants something.  Positive consistency is not her.  Amazing how much we want to be wrong and surprised, isn't it?

She has definitely had periods of seeming normalcy before when nothing was going on, and we were all just trucking along.  But this is actually above and beyond "normalcy"--she is taking initiative to be cooperative when usually, in her periods of "normalcy", she is just responding to DH's initiative to be cooperative. 

Her fear of losing DSD is probably what was increasing her alienating behaviors in the first place.  Now she is getting called on being an alienating parent and maybe being told she will lose DSD by doing that so she will allow the counseling for now... .my bet is when she gets scared of losing DSD through the reunification counseling again, she will be right back at acting out again.