BPDFamily.com

I was wondering what comments from the members here have resonated and have had the most profound effect on the healing process for you guys. For me, the words that have stuck with me the most that I read every day are:

"The reality is, that you once loved a person, tried to help and couldn't and had to let go for your own best interest."

I wish I knew what member wrote that so I could thank them. It is certainly helping me detach and accept.

"BPD cannot be cured"

@DownAndOut  I believe you are referring to this post.

https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=122649.5

i work with my ex, so i see her twice a week. one day i posted that i felt like i had been through an emotional war. the comment that really stuck with me was :

" you will continue to feel that way until you do something about it"

it really made me stick up for and take care of myself. i think that is really when i began to heal.

"You are basing your value as a person on what your x said you were, and he is disordered. He is wrong and his perceptions are skewed due to his mental illness".

That in a nutshell :)

"At some point, someone has to be the adult."

"Letting go will help me to be healthy.

I control my own life and decisions.

I am healthy.

I am strong.

I feel good about my decision to let go.

Letting go is healthy."

":)on't make someone a priority if they only consider you an option."

I have these posted at my desk.

"Attachment leads to suffering, detachment leads to freedom"

"You can't help her."

There are lots of very goods, helpful posts of this site but I've found "2010" post the most useful and perceptive in terms of explaining the disorder, encouraging you not demonise BP (it's a illness, it's not personal) and encouraging you to recognise and confront the part you play the destructive dance.

I've her all her posts a few times

"Nothing changes without changes"

“You let go when you believe in your heart and soul that you deserve better”

and

“Letting Go

Letting go refers to giving up control of another person and allowing that person to experience the consequences of one's own actions. Letting go enhances all relationships.

Letting go does not mean to stop caring,

   it means not to take responsibility for someone else,

Letting go is not to cut myself off,

   it's the realization I can't control another.

Letting go is not to enable others,

   it's to allow learning from natural consequences.

Letting go is to admit my own powerlessness,

which means the outcome is not in my hands.

Letting go is not to try to change or blame another,

   it's to make the most of myself.

Letting go is not to care for,

   but to care about.

Letting go is not to fix,

   but to be supportive.

Letting go is not to judge,

   but to allow another to be a human being.

Letting go is not to be in the middle arranging all the outcomes,

   but to be on the sidelines, cheering.

Letting go is not to be protective,

   it's to permit another to face reality.

Letting go is not to deny,

   but to accept.

Letting go is not to nag, scold or argue,

   but instead to search out my own shortcomings and correct them.

Letting go is not to adjust everything to my desires,

   but to take each day as it comes and cherish myself in it.

Letting go is not to criticize or regulate anybody,

   but to try to become what I dream I can be.

Letting go is not to regret the past,

   but to grow and live for the future.

To let go is to fear less and love more.”


There is another piece I have found a few times on here posted involving a metaphor titled something like "the bridge".

Thank you for all your posts! They've been extremely helpful to me.

Get your ducks in a row.   :)

Keep your side of the street clean.

Distinguished member Tony C's words helped me the most. I've read most of his 4,420 posts lol. One of his first:

 "Well, guess you found a place where you think your name is on every post. We all have baggage, and the same stories. So you read and say, wow, the more you learn, the more you see, it was'nt you... there was a breakdown in normalcy somewhere, and the strange became acceptable. Well, welcome to BPD family. We all want to help each other. People on the outside don't have a clue."- Tony C

I haven't been here long but the words that really stuck out to me and was an A HA moment was:

"The person you fell in love with does not exist. The person you see now is who she really is."

Radical Acceptance. Well, at least on the days that it sinks in and my mind absorbs it as the end all. And most importantly, everyone's personal accounts on here. All your stories. So I know that I wasn't truly losing my mind with all of this.

So many comments have helped, a little. But what helps the most is knowing I'm not alone on my journey, and that there are so many people here who understand the brutal reality of a relationship with a pwBPD.

Thankyou to you all for just being there.

"Man up"

Mousse's signature line: "Pain is a part of life, but suffering is a choice."

My most recent favorite was ucmeicu2: "I was not a victim but a volunteer."

RADICAL ACCEPTANCE would be a tight second of the most helpful words. Those two words speak volumes.

It were actually the words outside the message boards (mail for example) of certain users I connected with far beyond this message board which helped me the most.