BPDFamily.com

Hi everyone!

Newbbie here!

I living for 5 years with an uBPDh. I found out lately that his different "way of being" wasn't just a way. Acctually I'm still very surprised about how many of you deal with the same problemas that I do.

I could open many topics about many of my issues, but I want to start with this one.

My husband likes to say that he's different, that the worst thing that can happen to him is become an ordinary man. So, that's why he don't let me have a car (he says that i only want one to please my parents), or even an oven (he orders delivery food every night), things like that, because for him this would make us become just an ordinary couple. What's wrong with becoming an ordinary couple?

Now I kinda understand that deep inside, he knows that there's something wrong with him. But he changes his reality to make it as a differential, not a problem.

He self entitles as "Indie Underground".

What about you? Do you face this kind of thing? How do you deal with it?

I'm reaching my limits, and can't stop thinking about leaving him.

Hi tamamaral, good to see you on the main boards 

Sounds like it's wearing you down this being different thing and that you'd prefer being more main stream and so-called "ordinary". It's not a BPD trait per say to want to be different. Changing facts to fit with feeling, however, is. Like stating one day that "I live like this because a,b,c" and the next day it's "because f,g,h" and they would get annoyed if you bring up "a,b,c". Their reality is changing, it's not constant, because they're being lead by their feelings. I don't know it that's a bit what you meant?

Where do you stand on this, would you like to have a car? An oven?


These relationships can be so hard. Have you had a chance to look at the articles on the right under choosing a path? --------->

They're based on expert advice and working through them is a way to come to a conclusion about you relationship

Acctualy I don't really have the need to label myself. I am what I am period.  *)

Yes, these labels change according to how he feels. One day he'll wake up and don't care about a, b or c, and on another day he can care very much about a, b and c. I never know who is the guy that is going to wake up, or who will be the person when I get home after work. His "games" rules are always changing! Something that is alright now won't be after 10 minutes.

Having a car or a oven isn't something that I can't live without, but, wait, what's this for?

He's always saying that he don't want to be like his parents (his father is bipolar and was an alcoholic, and went to rehab a couple times). And the worst of all is that I HAVE TO think the same way as he thinks. If I don't, I'm not allowed to enter in the underground world, and soon he'll be saying that he needs to find someone just like him, that I need to find a guy just ordinary as me. 

Ps. So glad you Scarlet remembered me! Yay!