BPDFamily.com

I know I'm not supposed to "self-diagnose" someone, but I'm pretty sure my mom has borderline. She's even admitted to having it and has been to therapy (but stopped going because the therapist was wrong and she was right). My mom also has severe ADHD, almost worse than I've ever seen anyone have. She is medicated, but I'm unsure that she takes her medicine on a regular basis.

My mom has been having a very hard time keeping a job. She was fired from her job three years ago, only a year after being fired from yet another job. We all knew it was going to happen, and the people close to her, even her children, warned her that if she kept acting the way she was (risky behavior on the job, telling coworkers and clients off, cussing people out, unprofessional behavior, etc.) she would eventually get fired. And she did. She then took a job managing a fast food restaurant. That didn't last very long either. She was fired, after numerous occasions of improper and unprofessional incidents.

Now, my mom is several months behind on her rent and is about to be evicted and from what I hear is planning on moving in with someone she is clearly not emotionally stable with. She's paying the rest of her bills with bad checks. I'm very concerned about my two younger sisters. One is 17, the other is 14. The middle sister is in marching band and she does a lot of volunteer work with the band, and so does my mom. My sister voiced some concerns to me that I also noticed when I was around her in my sister's school and extra-curricular settings. My mom is constantly being verbally aggressive with both my sister's teachers, she is verbally aggressive and threatening with the parents of band students that my sister is friends with, and (I have witnessed this personally) my mom even cusses out the students and thinks it's ok to boss them around, almost like a bully would. My sister vented about these frustrations and it worries me. School and band is supposed to be a place my sister can go to feel safe and free from worry and trouble and my mom is ruining that for her by creating hostile environments and situations everywhere she goes. My sister is very talented and has a promising future, but I fear that my mom's actions are affecting her senior year of high school negatively. My sister has tried communicating her frustrations with my mom, but my mom is always right, and everyone else is wrong, always. It's almost impossible to get her to think any other way. It's to the point where both my sisters almost do not associate with her unless they have to, which I decided to do a long time ago.

Another thing that really has me worried is that my mom cannot get a job because of excessive amounts of traffic violations. She has almost 50. One of the symptoms of BPD is risky behavior. My mom is constantly on her smartphone, texting and updating her Facebook, and she drives erratically when she does. She speeds, she swerves, she runs right through stop signs. I'm constantly worried from afar that she is going to get in a wreck and when she does, not if but when, ( because it's eventually going to happen) I hope my sisters are not in the car with her. She ultimately lost her first job because she was texting and driving and speeding numerous times with foster children in her company car (She was a social worker). A couple days ago my sister told me that my mom came home around 2 or 3 in the morning drunk and I asked her how she got home and she said that my mom drove, but had someone follow her. I worry that not only is this risky behavior keeping her from getting a job, but it's also unsafe, and I believe it is stemmed from the hurt and anger she is feeling from being jobless.

Recently, my mom has also been estranging herself from family members. She blames everyone else for her problems. 'She's unhappy because of this said person, and without them in her life she's much happier' or ' She doesn't talk to her mother and hates her' because, first of all, my grandma is not afraid to tell my mom that she needs to get her life straightened out. I'm afraid that my mom is pushing away the people that she loves and it worries me.

My mom clearly shows all the signs of BPD. While my main goal is not to diagnose her, I do think that she needs help, for her sake and more importantly for my sister's sake. But getting someone the help they need when they don't think they need help can be almost impossible. My mom has lost 3 jobs in the past 4 years, all from her inabilities to control her anger and for acting childishly and recklessly. My biggest fear is that she is going to continue to get worse and worse until she hurts or kills herself or hurts the people around her. As a big sister, I feel like it's my responsibility to get my mom the help she needs for my sister's sake, but I'm so overwhelmed by it and feel hopeless that she won't get help.

Hi, kdotson92 & *welcome*

You are a really good big sister, and good daughter    It's sad that you have to come here to learn about BPD, and try to figure out how to help your sisters and your Mom, but wonderful that you have found us! Obviously you cannot change someone who doesn't see a reason for it, but there are things you can learn in order to understand the way your Mom's mind works, and to figure out how to deal with her. I've found a few links that can start you off right now:

Shame and Implicit Self-Concept in Women With Borderline Personality Disorder (https://bpdfamily.com/pdfs/rusch-art.pdf)

Supporting a Loved-one with Borderline Personality Disorder (https://bpdfamily.com/content/support-child-therapy)

Helping a loved one with BPD seek treatment (https://bpdfamily.com/content/how-to-get-borderline-into-therapy)

We have a message board on this site for people with Moms who have BPD, and over there you will find many members just like you, trying to figure it all out. On the right-hand margin of that Board you will find many links to Lessons and Articles and Workshops that will be invaluable to you in your quest to make things better. Here's the link to that Message Board: [L5]  Coping and Healing from a BPD Parent, Sibling, or Inlaw Board (https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?board=7.0), and when you are ready you can post more of your story over there, and your questions. The members can offer comfort, support and insights for you... .

I admire your concern for your sisters, and your willingness to try to help them. It really does sound like they could be in a precarious situation due to your Mom's recklessness; do you have any family members who could help? Is your Dad in the picture? Do you have any support system at all? I truly wish you well, and encourage you to read all you can on this site... .We are here for you, kdotson92 

Thank you. Your advice helped me out a lot. My grandma understands what is going on and is very supportive, the only downside is she lives about an hour away so I don't see her very often. But I think if we work together we can try to get my mom the help she needs. Thank you for the help!

You're welcome, kdotson92... .

Please keep us updated on your situation with your Mom, and let us know if you have any more questions.

I'm very happy to hear that your Grandmother can be a support system for you, and another loved one to help your Mom. You are to be commended for your empathy and willingness to help her... .Good luck! And please let us know if we can help you further; we're here for you if you need us... .