BPDFamily.com

Today is the day that I have been working towards for years, and the last months of prep should be ready to go.  I have to say I am almost petrified with fear.  I can't eat a thing I feel my pulse racing.  This is going to be one of the most devastating days of my life for my wife, my self and our child.  Some how I feel like a coward, since I am so terrified of her reaction I have given her no indication of what is coming.  I have been so withdrawn from her, things have almost been pleasant in the house.  She is even slightly sweet with our daughter.  This whole thing is killing me.  I only have a few items to move out of the house and I am gone.  Why is this so hard?  I don't want to get off the couch and do what I set out to do.  I know how I will be painted by her and I know her reaction will be extreme.  I am so terrified of her I can't and don't think I should tell her face to face.

Hi Knowing, I'm hoping things went okay for you without too much drama. Let us know how you are doing if you need to get it out.

Best wishes to you and your daughter. 

Hi Knowing. I felt like that for the first month after I found out about mine "stepping out." Very natural. It feels horrible right now, but not keeping things bottled up inside (coming out in a rage later, for instance) is better. Being a father myself, focus on doing what is best for you (with your daughter in mind), which will by proxy be what is best for your daughter. One of first rules of first responders (firefighters, paramedics) is "take care of yourself first." Right now, I feel like if I fall, we all fall (even my X to a certain extent... .she is the mother of our children). I am slowly coming back to engaging in work, being more emotionally stable, but it's taken me months. Thank God for BPDF and the support of my friends.

I can't say I have an opinion on the f2f confrontation... .you would know best since you are there. Given what is coming, you may want to visit the more legally oriented boards later, after you get settled to wherever you are going. Keep yourself safe and keep updating here!

Things started out rough, but I am happy to say it went really well.  I stood my ground, she flipped off the angry person and tried to win me back, sadly.  In our talk she hit so many obvious points, telling my everything she ever loved always leaves her.  She has no one in the world, including her parents(loving parents I must add).  Some how I stood like a rock and today feels like a new world/day.  I am actually already smiling, this has been so long since I just wanted to smile.

Wow just wow, why did I wait so long?

So glad it went well, Knowing!  It sounds like you are doing what your avatar shows.  :)

You have no idea, I don't know who this guy is who finally stood up for himself but I like him.  I was/am stronger then I have been in the last 5 years and it blew my mind I could actually do it.  This site helped me so much and the advice is amazing.  I put a lot of that advice to use this weekend and it helped me come out the other side I'll call it a new person!