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Just one year with my uBPDbf and I've fallen into a major downward spiral. I know in my heart this has to end for my own sanity and for my children especially. I can't go 5 hours without crying but every time I try to break it off I go back and som part of me still thinks he can change though my reasonable side says no way. I feel like I'm dying inside. Will maintaining no contact really work? How long does it take before you feel a little atr

It is amazing to me still, and a bit mortifying, how I reverted back to emotional adolescence to maintain any type of relationship with the BPD.

It starts getting better the moment you follow your reasonable "side" and conduct yourself like an adult.

Hi, Asherah.  You didn't post and age, but you do mention that you have children.  If not for yourself, then put them up front when you start spiraling out of control.  Look at them.  Even if he isn't involving them or acting out in front of them, this is destroying your ability to have an emotionally healthy life, which affects them NOW and FOREVER. 

Be good to yourself and your children

Hi Asherah

This is a tough situation - you are on a hard place right now! 

I read through your first post, realizing that you came from a unhappy marriage and now facing all the push pull with your gf.

I would really suggest to reach out to a T. When we are realizing we are again in a unhappy relationship, it may be a the moment to look for a good T who can support us to breaking unhealthy patterns.

You and your kids are deserving a healthy family life. 

What do you think about it?

This is SO TRUE. I have been beating myself up after my breakup for this exact reason. I thought I was so far past the point in my life where I would even be engaging in the type of madness that became the norm in the r/s. I tried so hard to stay above it but my sanity went quickly out the window after the first few weeks. Rationality doesn't go very far in these types of relationships I found, so if ya can't beat em, join em.