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With all the BPD symptoms, emotional dysregulation, the idealization, clinging and devaluation phases I have been through in my r/s with my uBPDw and the DV and disproportionate behavior that I have been exposed ... .

How can I tell if, behind all this there is a well planned agenda driving the dysregulated  behavior to pursue, at any costs, some well defined preexisting goal or objective by the pwBPD and kept totally hidden and well disguised?  red-flag



In other words, is it possible that even with all the emotional dysregulation suggesting they can't access the logic and rationale areas of the brain, yet could they still have somehow the ability to strategically pursue a predetermined and well planned agenda?

Furthermore, in other words, can a pwBPD could play a game of chess for example, while being in a state of arousal? How much would the pwBPD game of chess improve or diminish when compared to the game the same person will play when they return to baseline.

I wonder if the capacity to strategically plan and/or execute an agenda to achieve a goal or objective is blocked or remains available when a pwBPD is in a state of arousal?

It sounds like you are asking if BPDs are devious in their methods of interacting with us nonBPDs. I can't speak for everyone, but as far as my BPD is concerned, the answer is yes! At first, everything was basically perfect. Then, slowly but surely, it was she who lied, who made me think that both of my daughters from my first marriage were not loving of me. She continued by ebbing all of my hard earned money. She then began degrading me by saying I wasn't doing enough to become a better person like she was. Now that she has completely degraded me personally, she is pursuing a new career while working at her old job. Thus, she is really busy attending school, studying, and working. Just last night, she said that she knows that I would like to have the experience of being a couple again. Yet, now that she has found her new form of living (that of distancing herself daily), this is how we are going to be living. So, bottom line, my BPD devised a carefully planned agenda. In the meantime, I am doing all the chores, except for cooking which she does. I find my own professional joy by teaching, tutoring, giving workshops, writing books, etc. I would give most of what I am doing up for an opportunity to have a close relationship again; however, that is not going to happen.

Samuel S.

I think I concur with your view and I will even say there is an actual intentionality when they rage, get angry and become violent. Be it to control, manipulate or get something I see that even though they can stop in a moment of arousal, it is all part of a planned and pre-conceived agenda set in her mind and unknown to me.

It is true there is an emotional dysregulation in a pwBPD but somehow I feel in my case with my uBPDw that she has rigidly set her mind to something imagined and if what is imagined is different from reality her rage, anger  and lack of impulse control will trigger and in her mind, justify the implosion all along.